It's Not Over
by ttebraake30
Summary: AU - All human (Doccubus endgame) - The man she loves betrays her after they marry. Saddened & angered by his betrayal she leaves without a trace, seeking comfort in her best friend. The best friend, whose been secretly in love with her for years & has had to watch idly by whilst she threw herself at him. Will she finally accept the love that Bo offers or not? DyLo pairing
1. Letting Go

**A/N - this is an idea I had whirling around in my head & wanted to try out. Let me know if I should continue. ~Alex~**

* * *

Taking one last look around the house just before she put down her keys on the side table which had been placed in the hallway near the front door, Lauren sighed. The divorce papers had been signed; her mobile phone had been cancelled as were her credit cards too. Lauren did not want Dyson to know where she was going as she stepped outside just as the door to their house shut behind her. The door that shut on her once happy life, full of dreams and wonder for what lay ahead in the future. Lauren looked over at her neighbour who was watering his plants as he watched her head towards the waiting cab which would take her to the airport.

Lauren turned around to take in one last look at the house...tears welling in her eyes as she realized that there was nothing left of them anymore, the memories of their life together were nothing but hazy and distant. Lauren couldn't even remember when they had fallen apart let alone why? She tried to remember the last time Dyson had looked at her with love or even smiled just for the sake of it. Her heart was broken but she knew that what they'd shared was real. Their love and their life had been her entire world, what was she to do now? Lauren had made the decision to leave after Dyson had refused to speak to her and the only thing left was to respect the fact that they were over. Her mind wondered back as she recalled how they'd met.

It had been after a long day at the office when Lauren's co-workers had dragged her with them to a local pub where she'd first set eyes on her spouse, Dyson. He was seated in a booth surrounded by people Lauren assumed were his work colleagues. A beautiful woman was perched on Dyson's lap with her lips slowly making little circles along his neck, the woman continued to place wet sloppy kisses on his face and as their eyes met (as they often do just before you fall hopelessly in love with your soul-mate) Lauren thought to herself, "What a pig?"

It's after that night that their paths crossed more times than Lauren had or would care to admit. Dyson was arrogant and aggressive, the very opposite of her. Lauren was forced to work with him when she had moved departments. Their relationship started off with them hating each other or more to the point her hating him. Dyson was cocky and confident, taking every opportunity available to confuse Lauren but also to ask her out at every given opportunity. Each time he broached the subject of a date, Lauren would adamantly refuse stating that they'd never go on a date together in a million years. Dyson watched Lauren curiously as a look of fierce determination crossed her face after she said no…...for what seemed like the millionth time. Although Lauren kept refusing, Dyson was nonetheless enthused by the thrill of the chase particularly since each time she refused it made the cause even more worthwhile. Their attraction to each other began to grow the closer they worked and Dyson was more determined than ever to win a date from Lauren.

Finally after what seemed like forever Lauren finally relented and agreed to a date. Dyson was over the moon and started to do a little victory dance at her desk. For their first date Dyson had planned a romantic picnic in the park however being a show-off, he had not bothered to check the weather report. So as they sat down on the picnic blanket the skies darkened and the clouds broke free as the rain came pouring down. They tried to grab everything and make a run for the nearest covered shelter but as luck would have it Dyson tripped and fell. Lauren only took a moment to look back as she registered that he'd probably broken something during the fall as rain poured down on them and blood spouted from Dyson's nose, it was enough to have her in hysterics. Dyson watched on as Lauren continued to laugh amused because their first date had been a disaster and he was injured whilst trying to impress her.

As they made their way out of the park Lauren took Dyson's hand in hers. He was excited that maybe something was going to come of this even though their date had been messed up. Lauren hailed a cab so that Dyson could get checked out at the hospital. Once inside the warm and dry cab Lauren watched as Dyson continued to look out of the window sullen and defeated because everything that he had planned went so horribly wrong, how did such a perfect date end up so rubbish? The worst part was that the apologies seemed to be superficial. At the hospital the doctor confirmed that Dyson's nose was indeed broken and had to be reset. Since the break wasn't too bad there was no need for surgery. Lauren released a breath that she had been holding in relieved that the injury was not as bad as first suspected. Dyson's grateful that Lauren was there as the doctor set to work resetting his nose. She watched the doctor work before a loud groan was heard coming from Dyson as he complained due to the pain caused by the resetting.

Back to the present, Lauren couldn't help but smile at the memory of their first date and how they'd ended up at the hospital in the emergency room. Sadly Lauren made her way to the waiting cab whilst the driver loaded her luggage into the boot as she got into the backseat and the door closed so did her past. The cab driver asked if she's ready to go to which Lauren replied yes.

Lauren recalled the memories of their past dates as their relationship began blossom and grow so did their mutual attraction to one another. She remembered the trip to the opera, the movie premiere and even to the batting cages where Dyson decided to show-off again. Lauren remembered the first time that they'd made love on the beach where Dyson had planned a romantic picnic (this time having checked the weather report) had turned out to be amazing. Dyson was an attentive, tender and passionate lover whose experience was far beyond anything that Lauren had ever imagined. Countless times during the date at the beach Lauren had been brought to climax and each time she fell a little more in love with Dyson. Their sex life after that had become so passionate and desire driven that she'd gone to work numerous times tired and exhausted because they'd made love throughout the night. Lauren had lost count of the number of times she had climaxed and didn't care anymore only that she couldn't get enough of Dyson, who always left her wanting more and more.

Lauren's wondered again through her memories to the first time when she'd first uttered the words "I love you" during climax and the finality of realizing that she was indeed in love. Dyson had just smiled at her and then whispered in her ear "I love you too."

They had moved in together after dating for nine months having already met each other's families. Moving day had been exhausting and Dyson had treated her to a bubble bath that evening. Their new home was chosen by them both since they'd wanted a place where new memories of their life together would be created instead of just moving into one of the places they'd lived in before.

Lauren was content and happy for the first time in her entire life as she lay on the sheepskin rug exhausted after Dyson had suggested they christen every room in their new home. He watched her as she lay there smiling, finally asking what she was so happy about to which Lauren replied "I'm happy because of you."

For the first time in her life Lauren was ecstatic because of someone who made her feel loved and honoured for who she was. The idea of falling in love had seemed but a distant notion mere months earlier, yet here they lay as Lauren was embraced by a pair of strong arms holding her close.

The cab proceeded down the motorway to the airport as Lauren continued to watch the passing cars each one representing a memory of their life together that was now in the past, never to be relived again. She closed her eyes for a moment trying to hold back the tears that had formed as she recalled each moment of their life together.

Lauren even remembered the day Dyson had proposed, it had completely taken her by surprise. She'd gone to work that morning feeling wonderful as always even after a night of passionate lovemaking. It's at lunch when her mobile rang and Lauren answered it after noticing that the caller was Dyson as he simply asked that she be ready for their date tonight as there was a surprise waiting for her. They'd arrived at the fancy Italian restaurant shortly after 8pm where she found that their families would be joining them for dinner.

Confused and somewhat amazed Lauren had asked Dyson what the occasion was and got given the reply "Wait and see."

As dinner progressed Lauren watched as their families chatted away amicably all the while wondering what Dyson had got planned for the evening. Dyson nervous as ever, looked over to Lauren as she drank her wine, preparing for the proposal and hoping she'd say yes. So without further hesitation Dyson got up and walked over to where Lauren's seated, looking into her eyes, dropped to one knee in front of her and said:

"Lauren. I love you. I have since the moment we first met and have even after you refused to go out with me. I love being with you and everything about you. I can't imagine not waking up next to you every day for the rest of my life and I don't want too. You're my soul-mate. I want to spend the rest of my life making love with you; I want to grow old with you and our ten kids. So I'm asking will you marry me."

Dumbstruck Lauren could only look on before she registered that Dyson's waiting for an answer from her and breathed out "Yes."

Lauren watched as Dyson slipped the beautiful emerald ring onto her finger. There's applause as Lauren kissed her fiancée with all the love she could give and after breaking for breath they looked into each other's eyes. There were many congratulations given to both of them that night and as they left to go home Lauren was swept up in emotions of happiness and fulfilment. As they entered their home Dyson pinned her to the door and ravished her body thoroughly until they were both too exhausted to move.

Lauren's breath hitched as Dyson closed the distance between them and pressed a kiss to her lips as his mouth was then lowered to Lauren's ear, the raspy voice breathing darkly. "Mine."

Lauren moaned desperately grinding into Dyson. "Yours. All yours."

Lauren responded to his touch quickly and soon the pair found themselves in a situation that's not entirely unfamiliar to them. Dyson quickly discarded their clothes except for Lauren's panties.

Dyson backed away slightly, grabbing Lauren's panties and pulling on them hard before they came away from her body with a rip, the material falling to the ground. Lauren's eyes were black with rich desire. He grabbed Lauren's ass, lifting her up so that she was now pinned between the door and his body so all she could do was wrap her shapely legs around his waist. Kissing her hotly again, Dyson growled as Lauren kissed back passionately. His hand went down between their bodies, searching and easily finding Lauren's hot, slick pussy.

"Oh god!" Lauren gasped as she arched into his touch her feet locking into the dip in his back. "Fuck me, please fuck me... now!"

Dyson didn't know what came over him in that moment, but Lauren's breathy pleas for him to take her against the door made his head swim. Dyson slowly rocked against Lauren's body as she made a mewling sound, desperate for him to give her more.

"Tell me how you want it Lauren."

Lauren gasped, locking eyes with Dyson's dark ones she replied, "Hard and fast. I want you to fuck me like you did last night."

That did it for Dyson as Lauren cried out in pleasure, nails digging into his skin. "Yes!"

The pace was hard, fast and rough, but Lauren loved it. Dyson loved her and she loved Dyson back even with the frenzied pace, his kisses along her neck and groaning, let Lauren know that this was equally enjoyable and that if she'd wanted it differently he would do it.

"Gorgeous. You're so gorgeous, soft and warm." Dyson gushed out, with each movement he made into Lauren's body heaving with her deep breaths and her feet had him locked against her.

"Oh! Oh...God Dyson!" Lauren screamed.

Her hand grabbed at his shoulders for support, legs clenching around his hips, while her other hand flew up above her head, looking for something to grip, anything. Lauren closed her eyes, fighting to hold onto the pleasure. She did not want it to end just yet but as Dyson continued to pleasure her...she just couldn't hold back anymore.

She shook hard in his arms, her mouth falling open, repeatedly chanting out. "Yours. Oh fuck Dyson, I'm yours."

Lauren took a long deep breath in, falling against Dyson, her head dropped onto his shoulder. He gently lowered them to the ground, kissing her face. After a few moments Lauren opened her eyes a shy smile adoring her features Dyson smiled back kissing her soft lips.

"So you're ok with being mine?" Lauren blushed softly.

The rain began to pour as the cab which Lauren was in, slowly made its way to JFK. She remembered that night all too well and couldn't help the flood of emotions that filled her heart. Dyson had looked at her with such love and longing begging for her to say yes. Lauren held her hands in her lap as clasped her fingers together feeling along her left hand before she felt her ring finger on where, once her wedding and engagement rings sat but were now no longer present. She was sad as she remembered when she had first taken them off. Her finger felt naked without the rings but deep down Lauren knew that she'd never wear them again. The cab pulled up to the terminal building at JFK and Lauren got out. The driver pulled her luggage out from the boot and drove away after she had paid the fare. Lauren proceeded into the building with her bags, checking the departures board before heading to the correct gate. Upon arriving at the gate Lauren placed her luggage on the scale and presented her ticket to the staff member behind the check-in desk. After checking in Lauren proceeded to the departures lounge to wait before her flight boarded and as she sat down her mind began to wonder again.

Memories flooding her thoughts as Lauren remembered planning the wedding how they'd fought over the silliest of things and made up numerous times. Their mothers had been adamant about getting involved and so the planning became a family event. Dyson didn't seem to be bothered about it and took everything in stride whilst Lauren watched on helplessly as their wedding was turned into the must attend event of the season. From them wanting a small wedding of fifty people, the guest list was now sitting at well over four hundred because so and so had to come as they know your second cousin...

As the morning of their wedding day dawned, Lauren was nervous; she wanted everything to be perfect. All of the guests were seated. The ribbons and flowers held up well with the extraordinary efforts of the florist, who started running around replacing everything. The last touches had just been put in place when Lauren arrived. Dyson stood at the head of the aisle with Nick (Dyson's brother) at his side. The wedding march began and the guests rose as Dyson watched Lauren begin her walk down the aisle on the arm of her father. Lisa (Lauren's mother) and Naomi (Dyson's mother) defied tradition, sitting next to each other. They both began to cry; Dyson heard their sniffles and only smiled.

His eyes were fixed on Lauren and his smile grew as her eyes met his. They met at the altar; Dyson took hold of her hands as the ceremony began. His gaze never left her face. The registrar began the wedding vows and Dyson followed along all the while looking at Lauren's face as the guests, the venue, all of it fell away. Dyson could see only Lauren and he noticed the same, she could only see him no one else existed for either. Dyson broke the gaze that Lauren held only momentarily to stop the registrar:

"I have something I want to say to Lauren before our vows end. Lauren, I love you more than life itself because you're my life, my soul mate, my morning, my day and my night. I'll spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I am so glad you are marrying me although I don't need to repeat our vows to know what you mean to me and how much I love you."

Tears spilled down both Dyson's and Lauren's faces. As the registrar commenced them to be husband and wife, Dyson lifted Lauren's veil. Tipping her face up, he kissed her ever so gently. Lauren kissed Dyson back and they started back down the aisle to begin their lives anew.

Lauren's roused from her daydream when the announcement of her flight to board came through the intercom. She tried to think back about where it had all gone wrong but found that there was no particular incident that could be accredited with the breakdown of their marriage. Slowly Lauren got up from her seat and made her way to the boarding gate as she presented her ticket; Lauren realized with finality that she was leaving behind her life and all the memories that had been created here. After Lauren was given back her ticket she made her way onto the plane and directed to her seat in first class. As she sat down she couldn't help but look out of the window as she watched the final preparations being made before take-off. Her mind began to drift off again as she started to recall their honeymoon.

Dyson has been so excited about their honeymoon and Lauren could not help but be happy about it too. They'd get to spend two weeks in Hawaii without any interruptions. The two weeks flew by very quickly and before either realized they were flying back home again as newlyweds. Hawaii was amazing and Lauren loved every minute that she got to spend with Dyson. They made love three or four times a day and were lost in their own little world. They even went sight-seeing and enjoyed the evening with the locals. Coming home together had not prepared them for what lay ahead the illusion that their marriage would withstand any threat was to be short-lived.

Dyson started a new job about a month after their return from honeymoon. They tried to find a routine which suited them both...but their working hours began to impact their home life. Dyson had just switched specialties to Ortho whilst Lauren was still mulling around in Paediatrics. The hospital had switched their shifts so both Dyson and Lauren began to see less and less of each other at home. When they did it was because either one of them was exhausted or both and all they did was sleep. Lauren would be starting a shift just as Dyson would walk through the door and a quick kiss hello would be given so that at least there was some form of physical contact between them.

They both began to resent their working patterns simply because of how it was affecting their marriage and their home life. As the months passed both Lauren and Dyson found that they were lonely, both longing for some form of physical contact from the other. Neither had made an effort to sort out this problem and as such they now began to argue relentlessly. Whenever they fought Dyson would storm off for hours leaving Lauren in a flood of tears. She was losing patience with the whole situation and wanted to find a solution to fix their marriage. Dyson didn't seem that concerned and when at the hospital chose to hang out with work colleagues rather than going home after his shift had ended. He loved working in Ortho and was very successful as a surgeon. Whilst their professional lives became a success their personal lives began to resemble a living nightmare. Dyson often more than anything avoided going home because Lauren would start an argument about something or nothing and he wanted to stay away from the confrontation as much as possible.

Lauren began to notice his disappearances and him not coming home. She didn't know what to do anymore and so they continued along the same path they'd been on as before. Six months on, Lauren was fed up so she waited for Dyson at the hospital, to talk. She wanted to save their marriage, Dyson was the love of her life and there was no ways in hell she was letting him go.

His shift ended just like normal except for the fact that Lauren was here at the hospital waiting. "Just what I need." he thought as she slowly approached.

"We need to talk," Lauren said as Dyson looked at her, questioning why. They made their way home and once there they began to argue just like always.

"I don't want to do this anymore." Lauren had screamed at Dyson. He could only look on as her eyes filled with tears watching her cry.

"So what do you want then Lauren?" He asked tentatively.

Lauren looked into Dyson's eyes and suddenly realized that their life together was falling apart...was it too late for them?

"I want to fix us," she replied before he engulfed her in a hug.

Lauren remembered what it felt like to be held by Dyson, what it felt like to be made love to by him? She recalled every little caress, embrace, touch, hug and kiss that they'd ever given to each other. So why was it then that she's sitting on a plane headed to London? The sign for fasten your seat belt began to flash telling the passengers that the plane was ready for take-off and that they need to strap themselves in. Lauren braced herself, she hated flying and it made no difference how many times she had done it...the result was always the same. Lauren could feel herself begin to panic and the motion sickness was making her stomach feel queasy, she laid her head against the headrest of her seat as the plane began to taxi down the runway. Once the plane was off the ground Lauren seemed to relax a little as she closed her eyes to sleep. Dreams began to plague her mind as old memories were conjured up.

Dyson and Lauren made every effort to reignite their loveless marriage and it seemed that for a while to be working until their shifts began to clash. What little time they did have was spent together in the cafeteria between shifts just to say hi and see each other. Their sex life was virtually none existent and Lauren was craving Dyson's touch. It's at this point that their on-call room romps began. What started out as a good idea to fuel their passion became about how quickly we can get it over with. Dyson seemed less interested so whenever Lauren paged him to say she was waiting in the on-call room...well you can pretty much guess what he thought.

As Dyson made love to Lauren in their on-call room...he thought "I hope she comes quickly because then I can get out of here and back to Ortho!"

Lauren loved on-call rooms, the privacy, well the illusion of privacy, or at least the closest thing to it she could get. The real reason however, Lauren loved on-call rooms at this particular moment was that she currently inhabited this one with her spouse. Her strong, hot, sexy, dirty, spouse: Dyson. She was lying flat on her back on the bottom bunk of an on-call room bunk bed, her body being pressed into the mattress by Dyson's firm one. Lauren's blonde curls splayed on the pillow, her knuckles white, holding the sheets below in her fists. Lauren moaned loudly as Dyson shifted down her body bypassing her breasts, heading right for where she wanted him to be.

"Dyson I –" Lauren panted out. She needed more...more contact...more intimacy, more of Dyson's touch, taste, body, just more. She couldn't describe it really, this need she had, filled her entire being. She sat up right quickly almost knocking him over as she grabbed a fistful of hair forcing her lips to his.

"Uh Uh." Dyson tisked a finger firmly placed on Lauren's lips. "This is all about you."

He removed the blonde's delicate fingers roughly pinning her wrists above her head to the mattress. His eyes travelled Lauren's covered body trying to decide where to start. Annoyed with her lack of control, Lauren bucked her hips up in order to get Dyson's attention hoping that somehow this would motivate him to relieve her pent up frustration.

This did not work. Frustrated now, she grunted as she tried harder to free herself from his grasp. Stupid Ortho strength! Dyson's free hand travelled down Lauren's body starting at the top of her head, fingers ran across her face stopping briefly to play with the ends of her hair. His hand continued its journey, nails scrapping against the skin of her neck and collarbone. He stopped at her breasts once again. Fingers traced down letting the thumb make circles around her nipples. The small moan Lauren let out filled Dyson with pride and her torture continued. Lauren jerked her head up she's stubborn and she did not like this lack of control.

"Dyson – I… please I need you to –" she was cut off when he kissed her.

"Shhh…." he whispered.

Dyson hoped that Lauren did not notice the lack of interest that currently plagued him, all the while hoping that she would climax very quickly. Dyson loved Lauren of that he was certain but for some reason lately they just didn't seem to connect. He wanted more than anything in the world to feel the connection that they once had shared but the spark that had initially burned between them was nothing more than an ember now. Dyson tried to think back to when they had fallen out of love or more precise to the point when he had fallen out of love with Lauren. The realization that he was no longer in love with Lauren stung the ortho surgeon's heart very hard but there was no way that Lauren could ever find out. They'd made promises to each other on their wedding day to love and honour each other all the days of their lives. Dyson was going to honour all the promises that the he had made to Lauren no matter what the cost because that was how things were now. Dyson ignored Lauren's frustration as his hand finally reached its destination covering her warm centre. A finger was flicked against her clit and they let out a low moan simultaneously. He shifted slightly, Lauren set about undoing his pants, before settling back down on top of her.

Dyson slipped in between Lauren's legs prying them open as their bodies aligned themselves before thrusting into her throbbing centre as she gasped, "Dyson – I … Oh God! I need –"

"What Lauren?" Dyson asked, "What do you need?"

"Please just – just don't stop," Lauren grunted out, her breathing erratic.

Lauren was just about to climax with Dyson just above her when - Beep. Beep. Beep. He abruptly stopped thrusting and reached above Lauren's head as he searched for his pager that had gone off. Upon finding it Dyson looked at the screen, 911. He let out a long sigh of relief, regretfully moving much to the annoyance of a very confused looking Lauren.

"I'm sorry." He stated dismounting from Lauren and quickly grabbing the discarded pants from the floor.

"No! Dyson What? – no!" Lauren sat up quickly, her hair pasted to her forehead with sweat as she pushed the hair off of her face in frustration, using the back of her hand to remove any remaining sweat.

"Get back here now and finish what you started!"

"I'm sorry it's a patient, 911, I have to go."

He moved quickly back to Lauren, placed a hand firmly on her cheek and dropped a chaste kiss on her lips. He left the on-call room leaving a very confused, very horny Lauren sitting on the bed, mouth open.

"911? Seriously? Ugh!"

Lauren threw her body back on the bed, pounding her fists into the springs as she turned onto her stomach and cuddled the pillow under her head. She kicked her left leg out and adjusted it until she found herself in a comfortable position. When Lauren closed her eyes however, all she saw was Dyson; his eyes, lips, and those damn hands as she let out a sigh and readjusted herself, following the same routine on the other side. When she closed her eyes she saw Dyson again, on top of her, caressing her stomach, her thighs, teasing her. It was useless. There was absolutely no way she could sleep in this condition.

She flipped onto her back and grabbed the pillow from under her head placing it over her face as she let out a frustrated groan. After Dyson had left, Lauren had noticed that he seemed relieved to leave...they'd talk about it at home and she would find out what was going on. Lauren loved Dyson very much, she was definitely in love with him but something seemed to be off between them. He seemed distant lately and quite distracted but Lauren could not put a finger on what exactly was making the ortho surgeon act this way. Weren't they happy? Dyson adjusted his scrub pants before heading to the pit to find out who had paged him. He was grateful to whoever had requested his professional opinion as it allowed for an escape from the on-call room that Lauren currently occupied.

Dyson was advised by Ciara (an ortho nurse) that she had paged the ortho surgeon as she needed a professional opinion on a private matter and with that led him to an on-call room. He knew that being in the on-call room with the nurse was not a good idea but somehow all logic thought had been left at the door and Dyson allowed free reign to his emotions that had been welling up inside of him. Ciara approached him tentatively before they kissed each other. Dyson felt knots that began to well up in his stomach, a blazing inferno that was pleading for release as Ciara stripped away their clothes and led them to the on-call room bunk bed. He allowed her to dominate their "let's fuck" session.

After they had fucked in the on-call room, Ciara lay sated beside Dyson with her head perched on his chest. Dyson on the other hand was laying on the bed thinking about what had just happened with Ciara and the fact that they had cheated together. He felt queasy and nauseous at the thought that this would hurt Lauren but most of all he couldn't believe what they'd had done. Shifting from underneath Ciara, Dyson quickly gathered up his things that lay on the floor before making a hasty retreat from the on-call room. Dyson felt sick, knowing that he had cheated on Lauren. He quickly left the hospital trying at all costs not to run into Ciara; arriving home Dyson quickly looked for Lauren and found her asleep in their bed. He didn't know what to say or do and so decided to just watch Lauren as she slept.

He got into bed beside Lauren trying not to wake her as the images of the last few hours played over and over in his mind of Ciara being fucked in every imaginable position possible. Yet somehow he wasn't feeling guilty for long before deciding that doing it again with Ciara would be fun. He recalled how Ciara had climaxed several times over the course of the four hours that they'd spent fucking in the on-call room and smirked as he remembered her saying he'd been the best lover she'd ever had in her life. Dyson had never felt this sexually fulfilled in such a long-time. Ciara was a good lay and he was allowed to do all the many dirty, wicked things that she had begged for from him. They'd climaxed together several times and then separately. A smile crossed Dyson's face before falling asleep!


	2. Moving On

**A/N - Hey all sorry it has taken me so long to post a new chapter. Thank you all for being so patient with me. Life has just gotten so busy really & I will try to post another chapter soon. ~Alex~**

* * *

It was at that moment when she realized that he had lost interest in her sexually. She had her suspicions about Dyson cheating but chose to ignore her gut instincts instead trying to focus on their marriage. As the days went by he seemed to be more happier and carefree than before, Lauren thought that they were finally getting back on track but he didn't even try to initiate sex anymore and was always in a hurry to get to work. Lauren was roused from her nap as the stewards made their way down the aisles offering passengers an assortment of beverages to drink before dinner would be served. Lauren opted for a gin and tonic as she felt the tension in her shoulders. She'd only been on the plane for three hours already and was wishing that the flight was well over; sadly she still had another seven hours to go before arriving in London. Lauren brought the gin and tonic to her lips as she greedily drank it in. Things between her and Dyson had somewhat degraded since that awful incident in the on-call room. Their home life was chaotic as they argued more and more with each other. Lauren replayed the last few months in her mind as she remembered their last fight.

Dyson had just finished up and was headed home when Ciara asked if he wanted to have a drink with her at the bar. He smiled at her, readily agreed and headed out the door with her to the bar. Lauren was waiting patiently for Dyson to get home but by 11pm she was annoyed and decided to look for him. She called the hospital asking if they knew where he had gone, one of the nurses had blurted out that Dyson was at the bar with Ciara. Lauren had begun to suspect that there was a lot more going on between Ciara and Dyson than either of them had let on. They were spending large amounts of time together and whenever Lauren went looking for Dyson she always found them together looking like they'd just fucked each other into oblivion.

Lauren mentioned that she didn't like Ciara always hanging around Dyson and they argued about it relentlessly before he had brushed aside her concerns saying that she was imagining things. Whenever Lauren asked Dyson whether there was anything between him and the nurse, he would vehemently deny cheating reassuring Lauren that their marriage was strong. Lauren was fuming by this point and was way past fed up. So she made her way across to the bar where Dyson was having a drink with Ciara. They were both drunk, making out in a corner booth like a pair of horny teenagers before Ciara slowly began to grind her pelvis into Dyson's hinting as to what she wanted them to be doing when Lauren walked in. Upon seeing Dyson kissing Ciara, who was perched on his lap, Lauren picked up the nearest drink and threw it in their faces.

Both looked up at the retreating woman before Dyson realized that it was Lauren who was storming out of the bar after screaming, "Arsehole."

Dyson quickly ran after Lauren trying to explain that what she'd seen wasn't what it had looked like. She was furious as he stood there trying to rationalize and justify everything.

Lauren sarcastically smiled and replied, "Dyson, then what the fuck was it?"

He hesitantly said, "She came onto me not the other way round." Lauren was flabbergasted at the lame excuses that Dyson was giving to her.

"Are you telling me that her lips just somehow managed to magically end up glued onto yours?" Dyson looked at Lauren rather sheepishly then was rather harshly slapped.

Lauren made her way home with Dyson right behind her trying to explain away his drunken behaviour and why he'd decided to cheat with Ciara. Once indoors Lauren broke down crying, Dyson tried to console her.

"Don't touch me. You're a liar Dyson, I believed you when you said that you loved me."

He was angry upon hearing these words from Lauren and retorted, "Funny you say that because you said the exact same thing, Lauren!

At this point she slapped Dyson again on the face replying, "At least I never went out and fucked someone else at the first given opportunity."

He tried to explain, even going so far as to apologize for betraying her trust but she's having none of it. Her heart was broken by the one person she thought would never hurt her in this way...but Dyson did.

"I'm done," she said as she slowly made her way to their bedroom.

"What do you mean you're done?" Dyson asked tentatively.

Lauren turned around to look at him and as she did all she could see was the scene from the bar playing in her mind over and over again.

She fiddled with the rings on her left hand and threw them at Dyson, screaming: "I'm done with you."

He begged her, "Lauren, please I made one mistake, don't throw our marriage away because of that, I was weak for a moment."

"I didn't do this Dyson; you were the one who decided to throw away our marriage not me."

They'd been screaming and shouting at each other for over three hours yet there'd been no resolution found Dyson had betrayed her in the worst possible way and Lauren's fed up. No matter how many times he'd tried to apologize Lauren would not relent. She wanted to believe that this was nothing more than a bad dream and that her spouse had never cheated on her or broken their marriage vows but alas it was not. Lauren sobbed her heart out as he could do nothing but watch as the hurt that he'd caused was now evident on her face and their marriage was indeed over. Dyson wanted Lauren's forgiveness more than anything and wanted to make their marriage work but would she allow it?

Dyson spoke. "Lauren, I am really sorry for hurting you the way I did and it will never happen again because I'll do everything in my power to regain your trust. Tell me what to do?"

Lauren didn't want Dyson's apology or him trying to regain her trust she was hurt, "Why did you feel the need to cheat in the first place? Was I not enough for you?

Shocked by Lauren's outburst he couldn't find any words to answer her with, she screamed, "We've only been married for less than two years and you already fucked someone who wasn't your wife. Do you even still love me?"

Dyson recoiled at the obvious accusation replying, "Of course I love you Lauren, there's no one else for me but you! I want us always…."

Lauren burst out laughing, "Why should I believe anything you say Dyson, you've been lying to me for months? Are you even still in love with me?"

Lauren waited for him to reply but his face remained stoic, she knew then that she'd got her answer. Dyson didn't answer Lauren because somehow there was nothing to be said and they both knew it.

"Lauren, please don't give up on me or us. We can work through this issue and get back to where we used to be, if you let us." he asked hopefully.

As much as Dyson could admit he wasn't in love with Lauren, he'd make damn sure that they saved their marriage because they still loved each other. Lauren was still in love with him but she knew that the love he'd felt for her was merely platonic and nothing more. As much as it hurt their marriage was indeed over.

"Dyson, I love with all my heart and probably always will but I can't forgive you for hurting me the way you did… you broke my heart!"

"I won't give up on us Lauren; I'll fight for our marriage and for your love!"

Nothing further was said as Dyson left their bedroom and entered the spare room before falling asleep on the bed as he is dreaming of making things right with Lauren, Dyson picked up her rings on the way out and prayed that they could find their way back to each other. She'd spent most of the night crying and only fell asleep after giving into exhaustion. She was all cried out and her heart was broken, facing her husband was the last straw. As morning dawned Lauren got ready for work and as she entered the kitchen she found Dyson there.

"Please be gone by the time I get home tonight..…I don't want you here" she said as she left through the front door leaving behind a flabbergasted man.

Maybe this will be a good thing for us thought Dyson as he went around the house picking up stuff that would be needed whilst they were apart from each other. He'd prove to Lauren that they were made for each other and save their marriage in the process. At the hospital Lauren continued about her work and as the day progressed she found that it distracted her from thinking about her failed marriage. Lauren wondered how she was going to work with Dyson at the hospital now that they were no longer living together. She had not had time to even think about what to do regarding their marriage yet. Did she still want to be married to him? So finally Dyson agreed to move out for a little while so that they could have space from each other to figure this situation out, except that Lauren didn't want to figure it out she's done with their marriage. Rumours spread round the hospital and their marriage became the hot topic of gossip as Dyson and Lauren did their best to work professionally with each other. Dyson spoke to Ciara after their little make out session in the bar and told her that they were over since he wanted to save his marriage.

For months after he pursued Lauren relentlessly and began trying to court her again but she was having none of it. Everything that Dyson sent to her office and their home ended up in the dustbin because she just didn't want to give him another chance again to hurt her. Also it wasn't fair to her since Lauren was actually still in love with Dyson but he was no longer in love with her. What kind of marriage would that be if she gave him another chance? Dyson was becoming frustrated that Lauren kept rebuffing every romantic gesture that he had used to impress her with and didn't know what else to do. Lauren was then offered a job to run the Paediatrics department at one of London's most prestigious hospitals. She still loved Dyson but she realized that she had to let her spouse go in order for either of them to be happy.

Lauren accepted the job in London but didn't inform her family or Dyson where she was going. She had needed a clean break from everything and once she's settled would contact everyone to let them know where she was as well as what she was up too. Lauren began to make to final arrangements before she left for London and one of the things that needed to be finalized was their divorce. She'd gone to see a lawyer about it and had been advised that she'd the grounds to divorce Dyson because of his infidelity. She had the papers drawn up and asked that the lawyer not deliver them to her spouse until she was on the plane to London. As Lauren prepared for her departure she signed her copy of the divorce papers and left them in the house for Dyson to find. She didn't want to fight with him and agreed that their assets be given to Dyson including the house. Lauren wanted nothing to remind her of their past together since she was making a clean break and a fresh start in London, no old memories.

She resigned from the hospital a month later, without any explanation. Dyson was suspicious and wondered why Lauren would leave a job that she'd loved. Not wanting to push her, he'd go by the house later on so that they'd talk about where their relationship stood. By the time Dyson had pitched up at the house Lauren had already left. He entered cautiously calling out, receiving no response searched for her. Lauren had been gone a week by the time Dyson had decided to check up on her, hoping that they could talk. What he didn't expect to find was the signed divorce papers that lay on the hallway table along with Lauren's keys, mobile phone and wallet. He knew then that Lauren wasn't coming back! And the hope of saving their marriage now lay in ruins as were his dreams of reconciliation. Dyson picked up the signed divorce papers and drove to Lisa's house hoping to get some answers as to where Lauren might be. As Dyson approached the front door and knocked, Lisa answered somewhat surprised to see her son in-law standing on her front step.

"Come in Dyson, this is rather unexpected….to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

"Lisa, I need to know where Lauren is?" he asked desperately.

Lisa invited Dyson in asking for an explanation as to what had happened between them. He explained every- thing and at first Lisa was angry but she had to let her anger go if they wanted to find her daughter. Lisa told Dyson that Lauren had come to her two weeks earlier crying and needing a shoulder, however when she asked her what was wrong Lauren said nothing. After that incident Lisa hadn't seen Lauren since then and had been worried when her daughter left abruptly afterwards. He thanked Lisa for her help and before leaving asked if she knew that Lauren had initiated divorce proceedings. Lisa was shocked that her daughter would make such a hasty decision like this and asked Dyson if this was what they had both wanted.

Dyson was sad and could only reply, "It looks like Lauren already made the decision for both of us. What can I do to change her mind if I don't even know where my wife is?"

Lisa could see the sadness reflected in his eyes and knew there were two sides to this story but her daughter was hurting very badly, but instead of coming to her mother for support she had decided to run away.

Lauren awoke just as the captain announced their arrival in London and advised the passengers to fasten their seat belts for descent. She was excited for what lay ahead but at the same time was saddened because of the memories that now plagued her of a life that could have been. She could see their beautiful house with the lovely garden and white picket fence, the shaggy dog running around the yard as their children played ball with their pet, Dyson chasing the children as they all played tag. The realization that she'd never have any of that with Dyson hit her very hard and she tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. As the plane came to a standstill and the passengers got ready to disembark, Lauren gathered her things before making her way out the door into the airport building.

As she approached the immigration desk, she presented her passport and was waved through without any further forethought. Lauren then made her way to the baggage reclaim to collect her luggage before heading out to meet her best friend Bo, who was collecting her from the airport. Bo waited patiently for Lauren to walk through the arrivals and as she did they both let out squeals of excitement at seeing each other. Lauren and Bo had gone to school together when they were younger, upon meeting each other they'd struck up a solid friendship which had lasted right into their adult lives. Although they both lived thousands of miles from each other had kept in touch over the years informing the other of any significant changes in their lives.

When Lauren and Dyson's marriage had broken down, because of Dyson's infidelity, Bo had been the one that Lauren had called. She'd been the one that listened for hours as Lauren cried on the other end of the phone line telling Bo that Dyson was no longer in love with her. As a result she'd decided to initiate divorce proceedings to end their two year marriage. Lauren told Bo that she needed a fresh start away from everything that reminded her of Dyson and their life together.

Lauren had been gone for over two years now and Dyson still had no idea where she was. He had moved back into their home once she had left. He refused to sign the divorce papers at first continuing to believe that if they'd talk to each other Lauren would realize what a hasty decision she'd made. Both Lisa and Naomi assured Dyson that signing the divorce papers was for the best and that if Lauren really wanted their marriage to work she'd have come back by now. He reluctantly signed the divorce papers about six months after she had left. Dyson firmly believed in the saying that if you truly love someone let them go, if they comeback then they were meant to be yours but if they don't then it was not meant to be.

Dyson still loved Lauren and wanted more than anything to save their marriage. The house remained the same as always even after Lauren had been gone for two years now. He had refused to change a single thing in the hopes that should she come back everything would be as it was. At the hospital, Dyson suffered initially in the beginning due to her absence and began to drink heavily, sometimes coming into work with a raging hangover the next day. After being reprimanded for what could only be the fifth or sixth time his boss decided to put him on forced leave? Dyson wasn't allowed to come back to work until he'd spoken to a psychologist about the problems that were plaguing him. Naomi watched on helplessly as he did nothing but watch TV and drink seeking comfort in the oblivion of alcohol. She finally grew tired of the situation and decided an intervention was needed so gathering the family; they cornered Dyson who was beyond shocked.

After this Dyson seemed to be ok and even went back to work once cleared by the psychologist. He began to work long hours at the hospital even going so far as to volunteer for overtime whenever the opportunity arose. Seeing Ciara around the hospital also didn't help as he recalled the many nights that they had spent fucking in the on-call rooms. Ciara had found out by chance that Dyson was now divorced and did everything in her power to entice the ortho surgeon back into her bed. He avoided her as much as possible and rather continued to push through with his work whilst still holding out hope for Lauren's return. Dyson didn't know why getting Lauren back was so important, was it the fact that he's still in love with her or simply because the idea of her being with anyone else was repulsive?

He wanted Lauren back and would do everything in order for that to happen. In the meantime Dyson had decided that whilst waiting for Lauren's return there'd be no harm in pursuing a physical relationship with Ciara just for the release. In other words, what better way to relieve stress than by having a good fuck? He made it pretty clear to Ciara that their relationship was nothing more than a physical release and yet the two of them found themselves enjoying each other's company more and more. She'd asked numerous times why he never invited her over to his home but was never given an appropriate answer to her question. Ciara and Dyson's routine was always the same…...finish work, have dinner at her place then fuck until one or either of them was exhausted. Ciara liked to cuddle after sex but Dyson would just push her away once they had finished and would turn over before falling asleep. Many times she wondered why she's wasting her time on someone who was pining for their ex-wife. Dyson often called out Lauren's name during the throes of passion. Ciara noticed this many times and was hurt at the realization that he fantasized about someone else whilst they had sex. She called out him on it numerous times but he always brushed her off. Ciara would cry often over Dyson and their relationship, could she even call it that…what were they exactly to each other? Were they even a couple?

As a new day dawned Dyson awoke to find Ciara beside him in the bed asleep, as quietly as possible he gathered up his things that were lying on the floor, before making a hasty retreat out the back door. Quickly he drove home, jumped into a shower to wash away the previous night's activities before going to work just like he had done many times before. Ciara awoke, to find herself alone just like she did many times before and as usual she cried. Getting herself together she headed to work hoping to catch Dyson so that they could talk. They had been seeing or more to the point fucking each other for over ten months now and she wanted more.

At lunch time, Ciara found him sitting alone in the cafeteria as she made her way over to his table she said. "We need to talk Dyson; I don't want to continue like we have been."

Dyson looked up to see Ciara just as she sat down opposite him, "I don't know what you want from me Ciara; I explained to you that this was nothing but a physical relationship for me."

Standing up very quickly Ciara approached Dyson before sneering at him, "We're not going to continue like this because I want more and you need to decide for yourself if we can have more?"

He watched as her make a hasty retreat out of the cafeteria. He had a lot to think about especially where Ciara was concerned. If he pursued a relationship with her what would it mean for his chances of getting Lauren back, obviously it had been two years but still, Dyson wanted Lauren back so that they'd build a life together? The only question that remained was exactly why did he want Lauren back so badly? The psychologist that Dyson had seen suggested that his obsession with Lauren and getting her back was purely based on guilt as well as possession rather than love. He wanted to possess Lauren simply because of the notion that if he couldn't have her then nobody else would. Maybe it was time to stop living in a dream and face up to the reality that Lauren was never coming back. Ciara was here now and wanted him. Dyson made a decision to see where the relationship with Ciara would go but at the same time would still keep the option of Lauren's return open. He invited Ciara over to the house that he'd once shared with Lauren. As she entered the house she noticed the pictures of Dyson and Lauren that adorned the walls.

Pictures of them smiling, gazing lovingly into each other's eyes, pictures of him smitten and her obviously in love ….pictures of the two of them in each other's arms, holding on tight as if they knew that their time together was to be short-lived. Ciara felt uncomfortable as she's led by Dyson further into the house. As they walk through the hallway towards the lounge, pictures of Lauren and Dyson adorned both sides of the walls. Upon entering the lounge she's greeted by even more pictures of Dyson and Lauren…..photos of their wedding day hung from the walls showing the once happy couple after their vows. Dyson is still talking about something she muses as she continues to stare at the pictures which he holds so dear.

She asks him politely. "Why do you still have so many pictures of your ex-wife?"

Looking at her as if contemplating the answer he replies, "Lauren was a very important part of my life once upon a time and hopefully will be once again. As for the pictures, I like to remember the good times we had because it reminds me of what I've lost."

Ciara is not sure what to think especially after Dyson's comment regarding the pictures. As they take a seat on the sofa she can't help feeling intimidated since it seems that he isn't completely over Lauren.

Dyson looks over at her and smiles, "I want to try and see where our relationship goes."

She wants more than anything to believe that what he is saying is true but deep down she knows that she is going to get hurt by the sexy ortho surgeon. Ciara gasps as Dyson captures her lips and gently kisses her before pushing them both down onto the sofa. As he fucks her, cause let's be honest that's all they do, she can't help but let her mind wander, thoughts fill her with questions regarding their relationship and the impact that an ex-wife has on them as a couple. Was Dyson really over Lauren?

He finally gets off of her and prepares to clean up but all she can think about is the fact that she feels like she has to compete with the memory of Lauren. Ciara thinks back to when she first met Dyson, how they'd enjoyed themselves together, continued talking and spending time with each other, how she felt the instant attraction and desire for a relationship building as their dates continued unfortunately in spite of chemistry, common interests, apparent shared views, indirect and direct references to the future etc. it became apparent to her that he wasn't over Lauren nor was he ever going to be. Dyson walks Ciara to the door kissing her goodnight as she leaves. She wants Dyson to love her as much or even more than Lauren but Ciara also knows that he won't love her that way until he is over his ex-wife.

No matter how many times she asks Dyson about Lauren, it's the one thing that he won't talk about and she thinks, "I can't compete with a memory. How can I fight with someone I can't even see? There are two of us but it feels like three I just wish that her ghost would let us be."

As Ciara drifts off to sleep in her bed she dreams of Dyson and the life that they can have together but these are plagued by thoughts of Lauren. Dyson is not over Lauren; Ciara doesn't know why he has created a shrine to her out of their home where everything remains unchanged. It's been two years since Lauren left but Dyson doesn't seem to want to let her go. Sleep seems to be alluding Ciara as she continues to overthink things particularly Dyson's behaviour especially where Lauren is concerned. Her friends have warned her that she shouldn't have to compete with his ex-wife and no matter what she can't fix what was wrong, she can't make herself into a better match.

In an ideal world Ciara knows that she has no reason to be jealous or competitive of Lauren's memory except for the fact that Dyson continues to enshrine it on a pedestal. She feels that there is no way to compete with a living memory when he won't let go. Dyson has never divulged any information to Ciara of the relationship that he once shared with Lauren. Sometimes she catches him looking through photo albums at pictures of Lauren and their life together, feeling nostalgic at the memories. When she asks him about them, he closes them and tells her that they are nothing important so she's no reason to be concerned. Ciara knows that Dyson is avoiding the topic because he doesn't want to share intimate details of the relationship that involved Lauren. She really wants to know as much about Lauren as possible since this'll help her to deal with having to live up to the expectation of a memory. The next day Ciara heads over to Dyson's home hoping to spend the day with him. He allows her to enter but informs her that they can't spend time together because he's to work a twenty four hour shift at the hospital.

Ciara responds, "Don't worry I can just wait here for you until you get back, Dyson?"

He for a minute wanting to refuse and tell Ciara that she can't stay at the house but he knows that there is no logical reason to decline so reluctantly he agrees.

"Ciara, you can stay here whilst I'm at work but please respect my privacy and don't touch anything."

Inside she is dancing with joy because now she can find out more about Lauren without interference from him although she knows that if he knew she'd be rifling through his things then their relationship would definitely be over. Dyson kisses Ciara goodbye on the mouth before telling her that once his work shift has ended, they can meet at the house and then go out for a meal or something. She waves goodbye as he leaves and once she is sure that the coast is clear quickly makes a beeline for the bedroom to begin her snooping. Ciara sat down on the bed as she began to rifle through the bedside tables looking for something, anything suddenly she saw it…..the rings sitting comfortably in the black box. Ciara picked them up and looked at them, obviously these had belonged to Lauren at some point but why did Dyson still have them?

Carefully she turns the rings over to read the engraving on the inside, "L, I love you always. Dyson." Quickly putting them back inside the drawer, Ciara began to slowly pick through the various papers she found inside and started to place them on the bed, when a blue envelope caught her eye. Picking it up she pulled out a number of pages carefully clipped together as if they're a sacred treasure, slowly she opened up the first one and realized that they were indeed love-letters that Dyson had written to Lauren as well as a few that Lauren had written to him. She began reading:

My dearest Lauren,

You may never ever read this and this will most likely never ever be discovered by anyone that is related to you or I…or who even cares...but there is things I have to say...that must be said. I'll try my level best to tell the truth no matter how much pain it may cause myself as this is something I just have to do and to clear up all the lies I have told you in the past…I guess the best place to start is the very beginning. When we met, I admit, I fell for you very quickly. I felt a love I've never ever felt before. You were and still are the most amazing lady I've ever met!

Then a few months after we got married my feelings began to change, I can't explain when or why only that the love which we once shared in the beginning was no longer there. I won't say why, we both know, and I'm not looking to blame you in anyway...I started to develop…insecurities. I was petrified of losing the most wonderful thing in my life. I couldn't get what I had done to deserve such a special person to come into my life. And I admit. I hid my feelings from you as I was so ashamed of what I was doing to you….always knowing that I wasn't good enough for you and you showed me this repeatedly whenever we argued. I don't know if I ever truly loved you or if you ever truly did love me? I think looking back over what's happened these past five months, maybe more, has shown me you didn't really. I don't think anyone who truly loved someone can treat them the way you have treated me. Again, I'm in no way trying to be horrible. I'm just facing facts. You have made me out to be some sort of 'monster'.

I think at the beginning you never meant things to go this far, but now I'm not so sure? What did I do to make you hate me so much? I know I betrayed your trust and cheated but you never even gave me a chance to apologize instead you chose to end our marriage with- out a second thought? How can I still love you, yet you despise and loathe me so much? When did this happen? How did this happen to us? I may be a lot of things, but I'm not the monster you've made me out to be. I may be a lot of things but not that. What did I do to deserve this from you? It feels like you just threw me away and never gave me a second thought. You broke me so badly and damaged me for anyone else. I know I've said it before, but I mean it when I say you totally changed my life. I'll never be the same again. Knowing all the time I can't be with you and you don't care.

We could have sat down and talked it out. I was just so scared of losing you and I was prepared to do anything to keep you. Using a figure of speech – I was prepared to "Lie, cheat, and steal". I realize now that I jeopardized what we had. The first I did do…why? Because I was so ashamed of who I was…..who I am…...what would the most beautiful, most intelligent woman I've ever met want with someone like me? And the answer I know now is – nothing. The second thing I did do as well…. why? In truth that I can't answer. It breaks my heart everyday knowing this because I find myself having a constant internal battle trying to get over you, and forget you, and quite simply I can't. I am learning to accept that I can't fight what can't be beaten.

There's so much I want to say, and I know there will be things I forget to say, but just know this my whole heart, my soul; my being belongs to you…..maybe it always has, who knows? All I know it always will. I'll never stop missing you or loving you. Not for a single moment and isn't that punishment enough, knowing that I can never see, hear, or be with you again? Hear your beautiful soft voice. See your eyes, your smile, to touch you again or hold you? Or feel your warmth next to mine ever again? But just know the moments we shared together, I think about them every day I will cherish and treasure them forever. I know I said a lot of nasty horrible things when we were breaking up. That I wish I'd never met you and that I hated you. And I am so sorry for saying these things. I felt like I was the only one hurting, I tried to hurt you forgetting that you're hurting too! I'm truly sorry for this. I hope that one day you'll forgive me. I hope that you're happy and yet I'll wait, knowing deep down it's a totally lost cause but I'll still wait. I guess something's are just meant to be? So this is where I say goodbye.

Never ever forget I'll always be sorry. I miss you and I'll always love you! You are world and my everything….…

Forever yours Dyson


	3. Dyson

**A/N - this chapter is a filler for the backstory of Lauren & Dyson's history. This fic is a slow burn to BoLo so bear with me & I hope you enjoy. ~Alex~**

* * *

By the time she'd reached the end of the letter, Ciara's in tears. She'd never ever read such a heartfelt confession especially given that Dyson was so closed off emotionally, when it came to her. Ciara put the letter to once side as she considered the ramifications of what she'd just read and what it meant for their relationship as a couple? Would they last given that Dyson was still not over Lauren? She thought about some of the things she'd read that he had written. To her it sounded like Dyson was stuck on Lauren and there was no room for anyone else in his bed, heart, life or house. Yet Ciara knew that if she'd only make him see that she's the future and Lauren was the past then they'd be happy but as long as he still longed for a memory especially one that he refused to get over then she stood no chance. Ciara reached for the next letter and as she did a photo of Lauren fell from the folded pages, it showed her asleep peacefully dreaming of their happy life, her fingers caressing the neatly written words which spoke volumes as to the emotions of the writer. Taking a deep breath in, she began to read:

My Dearest Dyson

I want to stay in love with you forever; I don't care what life throws at us. For me, it's always been you. I knew the moment we met, from the first words that came out of your mouth. You may call me crazy but you know that there was this undeniable connection between the two of us that pulled us closer together that sealed our fate shut. You were meant to be mine, as much as I was meant to be yours!

Yours always Lauren

Ciara grabbed the next letter from the pile that already lay on the bed after carefully putting the previous one back as she began to read again:

Dearest Lauren

I'll try to put this feeling into words, but fail miserably. This feeling of being both scared and at peace, having both butterflies and a sense of calm, is a feeling that I have only dreamt about. As the days continue to pass, my love for you continues to grow. I never thought I'd find the capacity to love anybody as much as I love you right now. Yet, my love for you continues to mature, growing beyond the realm of my heart. It seems that you have become the fibre of my soul, the very reason for my existence

I wish I could show you how much you really mean to me. If I could describe the love that I have for you, I'd try using the lyrics of love songs and even the sonnets of Shakespeare and it'd be impossible, because the love that I love for you is real, unconditional, everlasting and indescribable. You've had my heart and love from the day we met and you will have it forever. As time goes by, my heart and love for you will keep on growing stronger, brighter and bigger. I will never stop loving you. Call me your lover and future spouse from this day forth. You're all mine, as I am all yours. I love you with all my heart, body, mind and soul. You're my life, my world and everything.

Forever Yours Dyson

Ciara had tears in her eyes as placed the letter onto the pile with the others she'd just read realizing for the first time in a long while that she would never be loved by Dyson the way Lauren had been. She also knew that he'd never write her love letters and so she opened up the next one:

My Darling Dyson

I love you with all my heart, and no matter how tough things get or how hard it may seem to move forward, I'll never stop loving you. You're my world and soul, the air that I breathe each day. You're my best friend and we can face anything together. My heart skips a beat every time your name's mentioned or I see your face. You're the one I've been waiting for all of my life (not that I'm old!). I pray every night that you'll someday be the one I wake up to in the morning. Without you I wouldn't be complete. So, please…. I'm asking you to spend the rest of your life with me; all I can give you is love. I love you!

With all my heart, Lauren

Ciara could feel the love that Dyson and Lauren expressed for each other the more she read their letters, intimate thoughts of their feelings for one another and their budding relationship. Dyson would be angry to find out that she'd been snooping, trying to find out about Lauren since he wouldn't tell her anything. The letters that followed were also expressions of their love for one another and Ciara began to feel like an outsider looking in with each one she read:

Dear Lauren

I love you, every little thing about you. I love your cute smile, your magical eyes, and the sound of your voice, your gentle touch, and the warmth I feel when I'm by your side. I can't stop thinking about you when we're apart. I need you by my side. You complete me and mean the world to me. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're the one I've wished for. I never thought that I'd ever meet someone as special as you. I love each and every moment I share with you.

Love Always Dyson

The next letter was just as sensual and loving as the previous ones:

Darling Dyson,

Sometimes I look at you and I think to myself, no other person could've made me feel the way you do. There is nothing that I can't share with you; you're my lover and my best friend which is one of the rarest combinations to find. The only thing that I know with absolute certainty is that our love is something that was written in the stars and the fact that now that I have you I am never going to let you go.

All my love Lauren

Ciara carefully gathered up all the letters that were now strewn across the bed and placed them back into the blue envelope before putting them back into the drawer again. Just as she'd placed the letters back where they'd belonged she discovered a diary under them. Being nosy as she was she grabbed the diary out from under the letters and opened it up. On the inside cover was a picture, or rather a very intimate moment shared by Lauren and Dyson, Ciara could not help but be embarrassed and as she turned it over, written on the back was, "The longer that I am away from you the more I crave you, L." Carefully putting the picture back where it had been held, Ciara opened the first page of the diary and began to read its private contents:

January 12th – Today Carl told me that I would have to work with the new resident in our department whose name I forget. I was pretty pissed because I am an attending for crying out loud not a babysitter. I met the new resident, who must I say is an absolute pig and goes by the name of Dyson, seriously are we in grade school where using vacuum cleaner titles as names is cool or what?

January 19th – So that bloody resident has been bothering me again asking if we can go on a date and no matter how many times I say no Dyson still persists. I find it quite annoying yet at the same time flattering he has developed an interest in me but I don't know if I want a relationship with a fellow doctor.

January 24th - Today has been tough, I lost a patient today and then on top of that Dyson asked me out again I mean doesn't he bloody know when no means no.

February 8th – Dyson bought me lunch today but I declined because I know that there will be a catch i.e. a date but one thing I will say is that he is very is persistent. As I left work this evening, there were flowers in my office…...take one guess who they are from….Dyson.

February 14th – Dyson annoyed me today and I got upset because frankly I'm getting sick of being harassed by that resident. I told him that never in a million years would we go on a date together.

February 23rd – Seems like Dyson took the hint or so I thought until I saw some daisies on my desk just as I went into my office this morning.

February 29th – Dyson is really starting to piss me off now….I am just not sure what to do about it anymore so I spoke to Carl about the issue and he has assured me that it will be taken care of.

March 9th – So far so good, today has been amazing and Dyson has not bothered me or asked me out on a date which usually happens at about this time.

March 15th – The peace didn't last long and Dyson is back to asking me out again. So much for Carl taking care of it, bloody men can't do anything right!

March 22nd – Jason from Oncology asked me out today and I said yes but as I walked out the door Dyson looked upset maybe even jealous…..serves him right anyway.

March 23rd – My date with Jason was amazing. He took me to a French restaurant for dinner then we made our way to the opera where we saw Swan Lake.

March 30th – So it's been a week since I started seeing Jason and Dyson is still asking me to go on a date despite me telling him that I am currently seeing someone. Jason hasn't even tried to kiss me; I think he is waiting for me to make the first move. We've already seen each other three times so far this week.

April 3rd – Dyson has been rather short tempered with me lately and I am having a hard time understanding why since we are only work colleagues, nothing more. Seems like jealousy.

April 12th – Jason came over for dinner tonight and we kissed for the first time. I thought there would be a spark of something but I felt nothing. Maybe I am over analysing things.

April 18th – Dyson cornered me in the supply closet just as I was getting some gauze and bandages asking me if I've slept with Jason yet, I was shocked. "What right do you have to ask about my love life, Dyson? What I do with Jason is my personal business and not yours?" I was angry at Dyson for snooping but it didn't last long as I was engulfed in the most passionate kiss I've ever experienced in my life and was left lingering with want.

April 25th – So it's been a week since Dyson kissed me in the supply closet and I've done everything in my power to avoid him. I feel awkward since I am still dating Jason.

April 30th – Today is mine and Jason's one month anniversary. He took me on a boat cruise this evening as we had dinner and asked if we could move our relationship to the next level. As he kissed me goodnight I can't help but compare him to Dyson. My boyfriend is amazing yet I find myself thinking of someone else when we're together. Why?

May 10th – I completed a complicated umbilical hernia treatment and repair on a five year old whilst Dyson assisted me. Afterwards he followed me into an on-call room where we made out for over fifteen minutes before my pager went off and I scurried away in fear.

May 16th – Jason took me away for the weekend and it was lovely as we enjoyed each other's company, I think he was hoping we'd have sex. I am not sure why but whenever he touches me, I make up an excuse just to get away from him and I hate that I feel this way. He is a wonderful man maybe I should work harder on our relationship.

May 24th – Jason and I had a fight when he came to see me in my office at lunch. We argued for ten minutes before Dyson showed up and requested my assistance on something. Jason asked if we'd have dinner tonight so we could talk about our relationship since he feels that there is something holding me back from truly letting myself go with him. If only he knew it wasn't a something but a someone who I can't get off my mind!

May 30th – Jason and I talked for over two hours. I really like him but just don't feel anything for him and it makes me feel guilty because of what Dyson makes me feel. It's our two month anniversary tonight, I think it only fair that we make love; maybe once we do I won't be so confused about my feelings for my boyfriend.

May 31st – Jason made love to me last night but I faked my orgasm just so he'd hurry up and get off me then he asked if I enjoyed myself. I could only smile and say yes. I felt so ashamed for what had happened that as soon as he had fallen asleep I jumped into a shower. I felt dirty and wanted to wash away the guilt that I was feeling. Jason's a wonderful, considerate lover who seeks only to pleasure me yet I find none when we're together sexually.

June 5th – so I've been avoiding Jason since we had sex cause I really don't want to do it again and have made every excuse under the sun even going so far as to work late to avoid him. Dyson has confused me and I can't stop thinking about our make out session in the on-call room because I want to do it again.

June 6th – I followed Dyson to the supply closet and locked the door behind us as I went in. I was not exactly sure what I was doing but it felt right so I kissed him with all the passion I could express. He pinned me against the wall before sliding a hand into my scrub pants and getting me off as I panted into his ear through gritted teeth calling out his name over and over again.

June 13th – It's been a week since Dyson fucked me in the supply closet and all I can think about is the heat of my body alive with anticipation from the thought of his touch….the taste of his lips.…the feeling of his body pinned against mine whilst he has his way with me. Every time I see him, there is a smirk on his face somehow knowing that I am craving no needing to be fucked again, like in the supply closet.

Ciara closed the book as she finished reading the last entry, this was Lauren's diary, she was reading and in it were Lauren's intimate thoughts regarding Dyson. She picked up the book as she made her way to the kitchen to get a drink before deciding to continue. She retrieved a glass and poured herself some red wine as she sat down at the dining room table to continue from where she had left off, but as she opened up the diary again, a folded piece of paper fell out onto the floor. She bent to retrieve it and unfolded the delicate treasure before reading its contents:

My darling Dyson,

Last night I woke up in bead of sweat after dreaming of us. In it we found ourselves in total abandonment, writhing in passion as we made love. We were enjoying the hot summer day on the beach when suddenly a beautiful tropical rain started to pour. My sundress got soaked while we struggled to stay sheltered under a palm tree. I then felt your lips teasing my earlobes as you gently tugged on the buttons of my dress. My heart started to pound. I swear it was louder than the thunder overhead. You trailed kissed down the side of my neck and would stop slowly as you nibbled my skin whilst your hands cupped my breasts. Your thumb teased my nipple and I gasped this torment between my thighs. All I could do was surrender to this wanton longing to be one. You pressed my body closer to yours. I was thrilled that you felt exactly as I did. There may have been a storm drowning out my moans of pleasure, but the storm raging inside of me was stronger!

As I awoke, I knew I had to tell you how much I want you. I can't wait until tomorrow, when I know my dream will pale in comparison to the fire that will consume us both. This letter may come as a surprise to you, but I needed to tell you that, when we make love I feel our bodies performing like a true orchestra. Every sound and every movement are in tune and there is harmony in every gesture, everything is in place and I feel in harmony with the entire universe. Our bodies are instruments of mutual pleasure. The seldom times I open my eyes, I have a glimpse of our shadows on the wall and it looks like a dance. Our movements are precise and our souls are so light, as we give ourselves over to one another. The sensation of fulfilment I experience when you are inside of me is unforgettable. The desire of having you more and more is beyond explanation. I wish those movements never ended and you remained forever in my body but because those movements end, there is no option but to repeat them.

I want us to dance to this music. I want to feel that unshakable harmony that happens every time our skins touch. I want you forever and always. I need you, urgently!

Yours body and soul, Lauren

Ciara was flushed by the time she had finished reading the letter, Lauren was definitely no prude and so far she had learned that Lauren was a determined woman when it came to the things that she wanted. It seemed to her that they had finally given into their attraction for one another given the context of the diary. Ciara carefully placed the letter back into the diary as she took another sip of her wine before glancing back to the book's contents:

June 15th – Dyson assisted me on another surgery today but there was a lot of flirting going on between us and even when Jason showed up at lunch to see me, he was there. Jason kissed me on the cheek as he said hello but all the while my eyes were locked on Dyson's. After Jason left, Dyson followed me back to my office before locking the door and proceeded to fuck me on my desk making me climax over and over and over again as I gave into him.

June 19th – I have not seen Dyson since our little escapade in my office four days ago. I am so freaking horny that every time I see him I get wet at the thought of having him between my legs again. I had lunch with Jason today because I can't keep avoiding my boyfriend, who has been very understanding lately especially since every time he touches me I practically run a mile.

June 25th – It's been a full ten days since I last felt Dyson's touch and I am about ready to explode with just even a look from him. I didn't have to wait long as he found me and practically dragged me into the women's toilet as I walked past. My first orgasm was very quick and I exploded just as Dyson's tongue touched me. The next three times I came were with Dyson thrusting into me whilst my legs were wrapped around him waist.

June 26th – So yesterday Dyson fucked me for a good three hours in the ladies loo. I thought that this would be enough to sate my ever growing sexual frustration for him but it's only left me wanting more. Jason asked me out to dinner and I agreed. After he dropped me off at home, Jason kissed me and I wanted more than anything to give in but resisted as I only want Dyson. Jason realized something was wrong and asked if we were ok. I feigned tiredness and told him that Carl was just putting a lot of pressure on me to meet our targets; he seemed to buy it and left.

June 30th – Jason called this morning to say that he has planned something very special for our three month anniversary but all I can think about is Dyson touching me again. I was washed off my feet today with back to back surgeries and didn't even have a chance to see him but when I did after my shift ended I practically jumped him and dragged him to the nearest on-call room. My mobile rang just as Dyson started going down on me and I answered it after three rings, knowing it was Jason checking up to see where I was. Breathlessly I responded, "Hey ba…..be"!

"Lauren, are you ok? You sound out of breath and I just wanted to check when you'll be done?"

I couldn't answer as all I could focus on was the pleasure Dyson's mouth was giving to me and ended the call with Jason cursing, "Fuck, Dyson right there….don't stop….oh god!"

July 1st – So last night my boyfriend called me whilst my resident was buried between my legs and I ended the call so I could focus on the pleasure Dyson was giving me rather than paying attention to my boyfriend who was interrupting our fucking session. Jason was pissed that I blew him off whilst Dyson was fucking me. I called him back about two hours later as Dyson was getting dressing and apologized telling him that an emergency came in and I was asked to assist just as I was leaving the hospital for our date. Dyson and I were going at it again like rabbits. Twice in the supply closet this morning, three times in the on-call room before I was paged this afternoon and then twice in my office just as my shift ended. Jason was waiting for me at the door this evening and we left together just as Dyson caught my eye, mouthing "Tomorrow."

July 2nd – Jason spent the night last night and no, we did not have sex, I was too tired from the marathon work out Dyson had given me yesterday. My body still aches whenever I think about it. I saw Dyson this morning as we had breakfast together in the cafeteria and we were holding hands under the table as my resident looked at me lovingly. I think I am falling for him.

July 9th – For a week now Dyson and I have been meeting for breakfast each morning after Jason drops me off at work. We've not had sex since eight days ago and I am craving his touch like an addict that has been going through withdrawal symptoms.

July 11th – Dyson still has not touched me although there have been mini make-out sessions in various locations around the hospital but today something felt different as he held me. Jason came looking for me whilst Dyson and I were almost fucking in my office. I was so close to having him touch me when my boyfriend showed up….bloody great!

July 12th – Dyson surprised me today by asking if we could have dinner together. I was shocked at first but then readily agreed knowing that the night would end with us in an all night long marathon where either one of us or both would be sore in a lot of places never used before.

July 13th – Our first date was a total disaster since we ended up in the emergency room because my stupid resident didn't bother to check the weather. Dyson organized a picnic in the park which I thought was romantic until it started to rain then as we ran to find shelter; he tripped and broke his nose!

July 15th – Dyson has been signed off work for a week and all I can think about is wanting to be with him, what is wrong with me? Jason took me to dinner this evening and as always was patient although I am sure it must be frustrating him. I invited him in for a night cap. Jason made love to me but the whole time I was thinking about Dyson and as my orgasm approached I called out his name when my boyfriend went down on me. I don't know if Jason heard me or just chose to ignore it but I think our relationship is over.

July 16th – Jason left this morning after we shared breakfast together. I went to see Dyson after my shift ended this evening and we sat holding each other for a while before I left. I called Jason and asked him to meet me for dinner. We met at some restaurant he'd taken me too before and I told him that I wanted to breakup. When he asked why I told him there was someone else, he was angry and asked if I'd ever felt anything for him before storming out.

July 20th – Dyson came back to work today and I was giddy like a little girl on Christmas day. My resident was back and I couldn't wait to see him. My day was overwhelming and I never got a chance to see my sexy resident so it made me a little sad.

August 13th – it's been a month since Dyson's nose was broken and he surprised me by taking me in my office on my desk numerous times. At one point as Dyson was above me, thrusting into my eagerly receptive body I cried out "I love you" as my orgasm broke through me. I was sure it would be awkward but he just smiled back as me and whispered, "I love you too Lauren!" I nearly died of happiness when I heard those words from him.

September 13th – Today is our two month anniversary, Dyson took me on a hot air balloon ride to celebrate and then we went back to mine where we made love all night long.

Ciara closed the diary in frustration as she read each of Lauren's accounts, as her and Dyson made love to each other over and over again. It seemed that they could not keep their hands off each other and she began to wonder why their relationship was different. It's like watching two rabbits that're constantly on top of each other with each account she'd read. Dyson had told Lauren "I love you" a month after they had begun dating yet she and him had been together for over ten months yet not once had those words been uttered to her. According to the diary, the Dyson that Lauren fell for was the complete opposite of the Dyson that Ciara had fallen for. Dyson in the diary had completely let go and become absorbed in the feelings Lauren brought out in him. It's well after midnight when Ciara sipped the last of her wine and placed the glass back on the table, she decided to lie down on the bed to close her eyes for a few minutes. She fell asleep as soon as her head had hit the pillow never realizing just how exhausted she really was. Hours later Ciara awoke with a start, staring at the bedside clock she checked the time only to notice that it was just after 2:30am. She noticed the diary lying beside her on the bed and decided to read a few entries before Dyson got home from the hospital. Adjusting herself into a sitting position she placed two pillows behind her head and drawing her knees up she place the book on her lap, opening up a couple of pages from the last entry she had read:

April 13th – It's been a wonderful nine months with Dyson and I couldn't be happier. He has suggested we move in together and I agreed because my life without him would be incomplete. Can't really call him my resident anymore as Carl just announced that a fellowship in Orthopaedics has opened up and Dyson has been offered the position to complete his residency as a fellow.

May 19th – Dyson proposed last night at my favourite Italian restaurant where all our family and friends had joined us for dinner knowing what he had planned all along. I said yes immediately.

Ciara reread the last entry a couple of times as a surge of jealousy overwhelmed her. Dyson had willingly proposed to Lauren ten months into their relationship why was there no commitment in their current relationship, why'd Dyson close off some much with her? Fuming she flipped a few more pages and came across another entry that Lauren had made months after the proposal and their wedding:

December 2nd – Dyson has been distant for a while and I don't know why. We seem to have drifted apart from each other and it feel like we are losing each other. When he came home we argued again just like normal I want to save our marriage but lately he doesn't seem to care.

January 12th – We had a major fight last night and I told Dyson we need to save our marriage or else we're going to lose each other, he agreed with me. We both decided to make more of an effort in our relationship and not allow our work to come between us anymore.

February 25th – We're both making an effort to spend time with each other and save our marriage however something still feels off with Dyson, can't put my finger on it. We argued again tonight because of the incident in the on-call room where he'd left whilst we were in the middle of making love leaving me so frustrated and horny. I was angry with him for ignoring my pleas to continue and just watched as he rushed out of the on-call room like he couldn't wait to get out of there as fast as possible. I went looking for him after getting dressed but no one could tell me where he was. It feels like something is going on with Dyson but I am not sure if my husband is cheating on me with another woman.

March 17th – I saw Dyson with one of the ortho nurses today and it looks like they are a little too comfortable with each other for my liking. We argued again this evening about it and he told me that I am imagining things when I asked if he was cheating on me. Dyson has been so distant sexually and emotionally lately it feels like my ortho surgeon has fallen out of love with me and I am saddened in a way by this. What does this mean for our marriage? I tried to speak to Dyson about us starting a family today but was only told that it's not the right time. "Well when is the right time for us to have kids, Dyson because I am tired of waiting?" I screamed angrily at him before storming off and crying on Bo's shoulder for over two hours.

June 9th – I caught Dyson with one of the ortho nurses at the bar; they were too drunk to notice me as I walked over to their table whilst they made out like horny teenagers. I threw a drink at them and left; I'm so hurt by the betrayal and called Bo straight away. Dyson came home and tried to explain away the behaviour I had witnessed at the bar. We argued for over three hours and still found no resolution to fix this problem. I've asked Dyson to leave our home because I can't look at him without seeing the nurse and him all over each other.

December 9th – It's been months since Dyson moved out and I have resigned my position at the hospital because I can no longer work there knowing what has transpired. Bo has offered me a lucrative job at one of the finest hospital in the world and I accepted. I leave tomorrow and need to make sure that everything has been finalized. My cards have been cancelled along with my mobile phone. The divorce papers have been signed so in the morning all I have to do is leave for the airport to start my new life with Bo and make a fresh start.

Ciara closed the diary as she reread the last entry Lauren had written in the book noticing the tearstained page as her fingers ran over the words. It's Lauren who ended their marriage after she'd caught Dyson with Ciara at the bar. Ciara could not recall that night too clearly because of how drunk she had been but she did remember Dyson pushing her aside before rushing out the bar after some woman. It's the realization that the woman he ran after was Lauren that made her gasp with horror. At the time when Ciara and Dyson were involved she hadn't realized that he's married or living with someone cause all they did when they were together was fuck each other senseless. She felt ashamed of what she'd done to Lauren because Ciara would never get involved with a married person since she knew what it felt like to be betrayed by a loved one.

Putting the diary back where she found it, Ciara knew she had to make a decision about what to do about her relationship with Dyson. Sitting on the bed she closed her eyes as the tears welled under her eyelids and began to fall down her face. What made her sad was the fact that she was in love with Dyson but he was obviously still obsessed with Lauren and refused to let her go. Ciara knew that she's bound to get hurt by Dyson and had tried to keep her heart protected only to realize that with each touch she fell a little more in love with the ortho surgeon. Ciara sat on the bed thinking: How do you deal with loving someone who doesn't love you back? Why is it so hard to get over and come to grips with reality? What's preventing her from healing from such a deep wound, knowing the pain can often be unbearable? Ciara knows that she has been competing against the memory of Lauren ever since her relationship with Dyson had started but she was already emotionally invested, could she walk away from him just as Lauren had done or was she willing to endure the pain?

She realized that not only was she holding onto the hope that somehow the "love" would be returned, but she's willing to wait around forever simply refusing to believe that such passion could be short lived. When they had started dating wait that's wrong…..when they'd started fucking, Ciara swore that the connection she and Dyson shared was unique, no one had experienced it before. That was until she had read and reread Lauren's diary, it was then she knew that what her and Dyson shared was nothing more than a physical relationship although she had expressed her views for more with him. She still had no idea where that stood in their relationship was she Dyson's girlfriend, lover or a friend who provided a sexual favour? Ciara was frustrated as she found herself comparing her relationship to the one Lauren and Dyson had shared years ago. But why?


	4. What Now?

**A/N - So I know it has been quite a while since I last update & I apologize for that. Thanks for bearing with me through this story & hopefully this will be a good way to end the week. As always please keep the R&R coming in. ~Alex~**

* * *

Love is a cluster fuck of complexities that just can't be explained with rationality. There are a few stages of denial: your friends lay out a list of reasons why you need to move on and you'd remain there, glossy eyed and oblivious. The lesser and more common stage is when you're completely aware of every single reason you need to stop loving the person….yet you simply can't and you don't know why. Ciara knew why it's because deep inside, small and buried away, is the last ray of wishful thinking. Like a cancer, it multiplies at the sign of hope for survival and no matter how large or small…the potential damage is the same. She'd never admit it, but deep inside she's wondering, "How can Dyson not see how much of a catch I am?"

She can't help but wonder what he saw in Lauren that he doesn't see in her. This way of thinking is harmless but can result in you realizing you're too good to endure such pain and rejection however, it takes nothing more than a little push and…BAM. Ciara is back to thinking that Dyson will ring her doorbell and get down on one knee whispering, "I was wrong you are the one" except this is nothing but a delusion and she knows it in her heart. There have been many signs for months and she ignored the majors ones for a long time until tonight when everything became clearer after she'd read Lauren's private diary. Ciara wondered what would happen to her if she let Dyson go, would he suddenly realize that what they had was worth fighting for and come back to her? She knows that love is so unpredictable that it's both a blessing and curse, getting the pleasure of butterflies during unexpected moments and a hurting heart when things don't go the way they should.

No one expects to fall for someone who loves someone else, but when it happens, it ties your stomach in knots and provides for some sleepless nights. It's almost impossible that someone isn't going to get hurt. There's quite a bit of pain associated with watching someone you love, love someone else? It really is true that if two people are supposed to be together, it's going to happen when it's supposed to, for as long as it's supposed to. Ciara wasn't sure what to do next as the realization about her relationship with Dyson plagued her mind. She goes over their exchanges in her head over and over. Where did it go wrong or was there really anything to go wrong is more to the point? What should she have done differently but didn't? She feels rejected and less than appreciated, thinking that there is something wrong with her because she wonders what she can do to make Dyson want her. It frustrates her knowing that she is always being compared to Lauren in his mind because she doesn't even come close to being what his ex-wife was.

The first emotion is disbelief. How can this be? How did I get here? Why am I hurting over Dyson? The questions run through Ciara's mind…maybe my personality is draining away…I used to be fun and helpful, have a great sense of humour now I'm plain and dull, maybe even boring. Why doesn't he love me for me and why do I feel the need to change myself for him? Part of her refuses to believe it….it can't be so…..something will change this it just a phase, this is only temporary. Deep down Ciara knows she needs to be completely honest with herself how and why she feels the way she does about Dyson says a lot about her as a person. Tired again, Ciara decided to just sleep on it before making a rash decision regarding her relationship with Dyson and maybe they would talk about their feelings for each other later on. Dyson returned from work to find Ciara asleep on the bed that he used to share with Lauren. Looking at Ciara asleep, he could not help but remember what being with Lauren felt like especially in the first few months of their relationship they could barely keep their hands off of each other and many times they'd made love here. Dyson had fallen hard and fast for Lauren but the illusion had worn off quickly.

Dyson sat on the bed pulling out Lauren's rings from the bedside table draw, holding it between his fingers, remembering the day that they'd said their vows. He wondered how in the beginning Lauren was the only thing which had motivated him to pursue a relationship with her even when she'd still been seeing Jason but the moment that they'd become a couple the fantasy had lost its charm. As much as Dyson hated to admit it, he had been very reserved and closed off emotionally towards Ciara especially in their relationship whereas with Lauren, he had allowed everything to be dictated by what they'd been feeling and was carried away in their emotions. Dyson put the rings away again just as Ciara stirred. He leaned down and kissed her on the head before walking into the bathroom to change. She heard the shower turn on as he jumped in and began to sing out loud, not knowing that she was lying awake listening to each word:

I can't pretend anymore that I am not affected, I'm not moved

I can't lie to myself that I'm not always thinking of you  
You make me strong, you show me I'm not weak to fall in love  
When I thought I'd never need, now I can't get enough  
I always made it on my own, I always thought that I would keep control  
You changed everything I believe in and now I just can't fight this feeling baby

I raise my hands and I surrender cause your love is too strong and I can't go on  
Without your tender arms around me, I raise my hands and I surrender  
I don't want to resist cause your touch and your kiss have shattered my defences….I surrender  
I have to admit that I…I never thought I'd need someone this way  
Cause you opened my eyes so that I, I could see so much more  
I always made it on my own, I always thought that I would keep control  
You changed everything I believe in and now I just can't fight this feeling baby

I raise my hands and I surrender cause your love is too strong and I can't go on

Without your tender arms around me, I raise my hands and I surrender  
I don't want to resist cause your touch and your kiss have shattered my defences…I surrender  
I surrender to this feeling in my heart, I surrender to the safety of your arms  
To the touch of your lips, to the taste of your kisses

I raise my hands and I surrender cause your love is too strong and I can't go on  
Without your tender arms around me, I raise my hands and I surrender  
Cause your love is too strong and I can't go on without you…..I surrender  
I raise my hands and I surrender cause your love is too strong and I can't go on  
Without your tender arms around me, I surrender  
I can't pretend anymore, I can't lie to myself that I'm not always thinking of you

Tears welled in her eyes as she listened to each word that Dyson belted out, knowing exactly who he was actually thinking about. As he dried off and climbed into bed next to Ciara it became apparent to Dyson just how long it had been since he'd shared a bed with anyone. Dyson pulled Ciara closer and kissed her on the neck before falling into a deep slumber beside the teary eyed woman. She wanted to leave the safety of this illusion but deep down she didn't want to let go of Dyson since he was the first person she'd come to love truly and deeply. She too closed her eyes giving into the delusions of her dreams, the life that she could have with Dyson versus the life that he wanted with Lauren. Scenes of them with their kids playing in the garden along with the dog played out beautifully before her.

Dyson rolled over in bed and found that Ciara was still asleep; slipping out carefully he proceeded to the kitchen looking for something to eat. She shifted onto her side as she rolled over feeling for him in her sleep only to be met with an empty bed. Glancing around the room she heard noise coming from the kitchen as she listens to Dyson making breakfast. Deciding to get up she made her way towards her lover. Dyson had the radio on and was busying dancing away whilst breakfast simmered on the stove not noticing as Ciara leaned against the door watching him move around the kitchen effortlessly with each beat of music.

She was mesmerized by the sight of Dyson allowing her this uninhibited view of him relaxing around her. She decided to let her lover know that she was there, "Hey, what you making for breakfast Dys?"

Turning around to face her with a smirk he replied, "I haven't quite decided yet what to make but maybe you have a suggestion, beautiful."

Ciara blushes at Dyson's reference to her beauty and walked over to him as she's engulfed in a hug as they both kissed each other good morning. "How was work last night?"

Looking over at her Dyson retorted, "Same as always, a few patients came in with broken bones but there was a particular case where this kid came in after breaking both arms and legs when he fell from a tree. I was awesome, as always and fixed him right up."

Smiling gleefully Dyson returned to the task at hand of making sure breakfast did not burn whilst talking to Ciara about the shift at the hospital last night. Suddenly he was engulfed in a memory of Lauren where they had been in the kitchen talking about their shifts the next morning whilst sharing breakfast together.

"Hey babe," Lauren called out to Dyson as she entered the kitchen.

He turned to face her and was swept up into a passionate kiss as Lauren engulfed his lips with hers as they both fought for dominance and slowly he won out pushing her onto the kitchen counter before breaking away.

"Wow, what did I do to deserve that lover? Tell me because I will make sure I do it again if that is how you will greet me in the mornings?" Dyson retorted to a smiling Lauren.

Lauren sat down at the table as she watched her lover continue to cook breakfast for them whilst she drank her coffee. He finished up and placed a plate of eggs, bacon, toast, beans and hash browns before a surprised Lauren who looked over to him.

"Babe, this looks amazing. Thank you."

Dyson was pulled from the pleasant memory by Ciara as she angrily asked where the coffee was before huffing at him for ignoring her. Suddenly his beeper went off and heard the groan from her when she realized that they would not be spending the day together after all.

"For fuck's sake Dyson, when are we going to spend time together that doesn't involve us fucking each other senseless?" She fumed.

"Look Ciara, I really don't have time for this. Can we talk about this when I get back from the hospital?" Dyson asked tentatively before going back to the bedroom to change.

Sitting in the kitchen alone Ciara was pissed off, she would wait for Dyson to get back from the hospital and they were going to have a serious talk about their relationship whether he wanted to or not. It was time that things were cleared up about where they stood.

He came back into the kitchen and kissed her on the lips before walking out the front door, "Babe, see you later and when I get back we'll talk about everything."

She stayed in the same position as she'd been in, even after Dyson has left, sipping on the now cold coffee as she began planning all the things she would say to him, the questions she'd ask. It has been well over five hours since Dyson had left; Ciara had showered and changed already. She now sat on the sofa in the lounge flicking through the channels hoping to find something on TV to distract her from her ever growing anger towards her lover. He returned shortly thereafter and found her sitting on the sofa with two empty bottles of wine perched on the coffee table obviously she'd been drinking to ease the frustration until he came back home. She turned as he entered the lounge watching her curiously.

"We need to talk Dyson…..I want to know where I stand with you and what this thing we have is, but most of all I want to know what you want from our relationship?"

Clearly Ciara was feeling brave now due to amount of alcohol she'd consumed but she was far from drunk as she watched him contemplate an answer to her questions.

"Ciara, you're an amazing woman and I am happy with you…." he stated before being abruptly cut off by her angrily sneering.

"Fuck off Dyson; I don't want to hear the you're wonderful but speech….I want to have a life with you…a family …the whole shebang. Don't patronize me!"

Taken aback by her outburst Dyson can only stare like an idiot as she begins to cry.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you Ciara. I never meant to lead you on, believe me when I say that you deserve someone who will love you for you. I can't offer you what you want my heart already belongs to someone else."

Ciara sobs desperately as the pain of what he has just said begins to sink in, "I love you Dyson but I can't keep on competing with a memory. I need to know if you want to at least give our relationship a chance to grow or is this it."

"I can't give you what you want…we can keep going on as we are and see where that leads but other than that I don't want to make promises to you that I can't keep."

Dyson kneels before Ciara engulfing her in a hug as she lays her head on his shoulder and sobs. Leaning into her ear she hears as he whispers.

"I really care about you, Ciara and if you want to continue our relationship then I will do my best to make sure you are happy. I will ensure that things get better, please don't cry."

She wants to get lost in his words but did she want to wait around and see if he'd fall in love with her? Were the things Dyson was saying true?

"I want to believe you…...Dyson…but I want more than you are prepared to give me. How can I be sure that the things you're saying are true?"

Dyson reluctantly let go of her before taking a seat on the coffee table, "I am not sure if I can give you what you want Ciara I'm willing to try and find out. Will you give us a chance to see where this relationship will lead? I want you to be my girlfriend."

"Girl…friend," she stammered looking at Dyson hopefully. "We'll need to go slow but I think girlfriend is a good start…..don't you."

Overjoyed she allowed Dyson to initiate a kiss that left them both breathless. Things were finally starting to look up for her and just maybe, Lauren would be nothing but a distant memory sooner than she thinks. He's really not ready to let Ciara go and he admits that there are feelings between them although none of love as only Lauren could make Dyson feel that way once upon a time. Dyson cares for Ciara and is prepared to see where their relationship can go but all the while in the back of his mind is Lauren. He wants Lauren back and in the meantime while waiting will have fun with Ciara cause everyone needs a physical release every now and then, that's why the ortho surgeon had a girlfriend for. Ciara is oblivious to everything around her except for the fact that her boyfriend….yes her boyfriend cause that was what Dyson is now, is fully committed to her and their relationship. She can still see the signs of his obsession with Lauren but chooses to ignore these because her happiness right now is all that counts.

Dyson keeps his promise to Ciara and makes sure that any references to Lauren are kept to a minimum but deep down his yearning to get her back is growing with each passing day. He keeps checking in with Lisa to find out whether Lauren has contacted her only to be told that she hasn't her from her daughter in months bar the one letter which was sent through a friend to her. He has tried looking for Lauren numerous times, looking for leads and following them up when notified of a new sighting of her. At this point he wants to give up but assurances from him mother prompt him to keep trying no matter how long it takes. Naomi assumes Dyson wants Lauren because he's still in love with her however Dyson's true motivation lies in the fact he feels guilty at being caught cheating and hates the thought that Lauren could be with someone else, as it disgusts him. Months go by and it's not long before Dyson's eye starts to wonder again even though he's in a relationship with Ciara since boredom has set in again just like it had with Lauren. Unbeknown to Ciara, her boyfriend has been cheating on her throughout their entire relationship even whilst he was still married to Lauren; he wasn't only sleeping with Ciara at the same time but with other women too.

Lauren arrived in London and as she disembarked from the plane, collected her luggage from baggage reclaim and walked through the arrivals terminal she caught sight of Bo. Immediately she dropped her bags and ran over to her friend with tears streaming down her eyes and was engulfed in a hug. Bo's been Lauren's best friend since grade school and as the years have passed their friendship has become something much more between the two women. They've shared a bond that even Dyson couldn't understand and sometimes became jealous of. Lauren hopped onto a plane and took a job that Bo has offered her, yet here she was in London with no money to her name and only a suitcase full of her belongings. Bo could see the thoughts as they crossed Lauren's face and quickly reassured her friend.

"Hey, don't worry about anything I am here to take care of you from now on."

As they left the airport together in Bo's BMW 3 Series, they made their way through London's busy streets and finally arrived at their destination. Bo's apartment building was old and decadent from the outside but as they made their way inside entering through the door marked number five, Lauren was amazed to find that she liked the quaint flat that her friend called home. Bo ushered Lauren inside as she made her way past her friend with the bags. Bo's apartment was only a one bedroom so they decided to share the bed since after all they were best friends.

Six months after Lauren had arrived and she had settled in nicely at her new job, living with Bo was the highlight of her life since moving across the world and the two friends settled into a normal routine. Bo has grown accustomed to being alone, learning to deal with the loneliness. Even with the entrance of Lauren into her life, with the eventual emotional involvement and all other close relationships she's formed that came with being the surgeon's best friend, the familiar comfort she's derived from solitude throughout her existence was never threatened. Though the friendship and connection between them often times crossed lines and invaded personal space, sometimes more than what's permissible and acceptable for best friends, no matter how close, they had established boundaries and limits to their relationship that neither would dare breach.

Which is why it works, she supposes. No matter how intertwined and intricate, how reliant they've become on one another for emotional health and the contentment of an established daily routine, their individuality remained distinct and defined, amid the joint entity of their friendship. Separate individuals flourishing _because and__in spite of_the personas they lend to the marriage of their beings they call friendship. Through the course of their friendship, they have admittedly taken a lot of liberties, and with such a deep closeness, certain actions or situations have become customary to the point of becoming habitual and expected, such as walking into the apartment unannounced followed by a "Honey, I'm home" and anticipating a couple of nights a week in each other's company. The depth of how much they know each other gives rise to a security she's never experienced with any other person, their ability to read one another accommodating her inability to voice her needs and wants, and provides her with the unique advantage and pleasure of being able to anticipate and satisfy her friend's needs as well.

Bo and Lauren are often seen arguing passionately but also working through their problems together. They are shown to call each other out on their motivations and on their self-imposed limitations. Bo uses sarcastic humour when communicating with Lauren, until Lauren points this out. Lauren is characterized as wanting to work within the system. Bo wants to fight the system. Lauren has faith; Bo wants to find faith. Despite their differences, the emotional bond between the pairing consists of tender moments between the two women. Despite the crossed lines and lack of reservations the intimacy and over-familiarity the candour and laxity the degree of closeness she shares with Lauren was never overwhelming or frightening to her habituated solitude because amid the reciprocated deep affection, protectiveness (often overzealous on Lauren's part), and compassion existed an implacable mutual respect for one another, a certain level of trust and reverence that protected and safe-guarded against any sense of violation or encroachment of personal boundaries. Lauren has come to rely upon Bo more than she cares to admit and despite telling her friend months before that their living together was just temporary she had never searched for another place to live. Their lives have become so entwined with each other that they do everything together going to dinner, attending hospital functions as the other's plus one and falling into bed together at the end of the day.

Bo loves having Lauren around and the thought of coming home to the beautiful blond sets her heart on fire as she realizes that the level of intimacy that they share is beyond anything she has ever felt with anyone else before and she doesn't want to experience it with another person. It was this very foundation of their friendship, the cornerstone, entrenched as the core, which prevents her from even considering Bo as a threat. Whereas most, if not all, displays of affection from other people cover her in uneasiness, and expressed interest in her life would automatically trigger the erection of barriers, she finds that Bo had found a way around her defences, gently (and sometimes not so gently) skirting and manoeuvring around the walls she's hidden behind. She welcomes it from Bo, in fact. As the months slowly roll by one after the other Lauren begins to realize that she feels more for Bo than she ever felt for Dyson and this scares her. So she decides that dating a fellow colleague at work might take her mind off her friend. Bo begins to notice the change in Lauren as she begins to pull away from their friendship; it makes her sad as she has to watch Lauren fawn over the new guy she is dating.

James is really not interested in pursuing a relationship with Lauren and only wants to get into her pants but three dates in and he is nowhere near where he wants to be. That is until he decides that maybe Lauren needs a little help to loosen up one night. He adds a little something to her drink and before long they're on the sofa in the lounge of the apartment she shares with Bo going at it like rabbits. As she comes round, Lauren notices she is lying half undressed on the couch having no memory of what has happened when Bo comes in.

"What the fuck happened to you, Lauren?" she asks angrily, staring down at her friend all the while trying to hold back the jealousy that threatens to consume her.

"I don't know what happened, Bo. I don't remember anything that happened except coming back here with James." Lauren cries.

Bo takes Lauren to the bathroom and proceeds to clean her up all the while seething. She would make James pay for what he has done to Lauren.

After Lauren has been cleaned up Bo places her in their bed and turns out the light ready to leave but hears her friend whisper, "Please stay with me."

Getting into bed next to Lauren, Bo pulls her closer and into her arms soothing her friend as she whispers sweet nothings in her ear until the steady rhythm of Lauren's breathing tells her that she's asleep. Bo gets out of bed, careful not to wake her sleeping companion and makes her way into the lounge. She grabs her mobile phone from off the mantle, noticing the time which read 12:30am, she dials the number.

"He…ll….o," Comes the groggy answer from the other end. "Hale, it's me Bo. I need you to take care of something for me immediately."

"Bo, its bloody almost one in the morning could this not have waited until later," Hale retorts angrily down the phone to Bo.

"Listen dummy, I pay you to do what I tell you regardless of what the time is, day or night? Are we clear on that or do I need to get someone else to do it?"

Hale knows better than to piss Bo off considering that she's the richest heiress in London and she's employed him to do her bidding. She inherited her vast fortune after her parents died unexpectedly in a car accident just before she turned eighteen. Lauren had been there to hold her friend as she grieved over her loss. Yet despite having huge sums of money Bo chose not to flaunt it hence the mediocre lifestyle she leads. Having Lauren in her life brings Bo immense joy and living with her is a dream come true even after two years.

"Don't worry Bo, whatever you need done I'll take care of it tell me what I need to do?"

Bo proceeds to explain to Hale that she needs him to take care of James no matter what the cost but his job is to get rid of the threat. After finishing the phone call to Hale, Bo heads to her study where she pours herself a whisky. Feeling the liquid burn the back of her throat as she sips it, Bo is pissed because of James taking advantage of Lauren although deep down she's also angry with her friend. Now, however, with only her thoughts for company for the past two hours, she was fraught with uneasiness and edginess, perhaps the residual restlessness she couldn't completely shake, expected ill-effects of the explosion of emotions she'd experienced today, or rather the previous day. Why the fuck had Lauren put her in this position? The more Bo thought about her affection for Lauren, her hesitancy to speak or even think about Lauren's lover, and her physical reaction to embracing Lauren, the more certain she became the most logical label for her feelings was, in fact, jealousy. Nah, it couldn't have been jealousy. Why in the world would she feel jealous of James and why over Lauren?

It must've been her protective side coming out after all, Lauren's her best friend. She loved Lauren; the two shared an intimate friendship. She wanted to see Lauren with someone better than James. Yeah, that's it…..but it wasn't serious! Lauren wasn't looking to really "be" with James, since she had expressed her disinterest in a long term relationship many times. She wasn't going to fall for him. Bo knew that. It wasn't about seeing Lauren taken care of, seeing her with some- one better. No, this was about Bo's feelings about Lauren sleeping with James. Something about that specifically, bothered her. Could it really have been because she was jealous? Feeling a discomfort at the small of her back from being in the same position for an extended period of time, Lauren rolled onto her side, the emptiness beside her in the bed becoming more prominent and aggravating. After their tempered discussion earlier, which marked the shift in the dynamics of their relationship and signified Bo's willingness to take care of her, she had allowed for a few minutes of gratifying physical affection, granting Lauren the comfort of burrowing into her warmth.

By unspoken agreement, they were content to postpone further conversation. Reluctantly admitting that she was exhausted, Bo had the unfortunate burden of interrupting the blissful moment of deeper intimacy that had reigned the past few minutes. With seemingly practiced ease, they had disentangled themselves from the embrace, helping each other rise from the couch. Routine firmly in place, borne from many evenings spent together, they absently went about restoring order into the living room and ensuring that the dining area and kitchen bore no evidence of the impromptu sexual mating that had taken place. Satisfied with the results of their chore, both women had turned toward the passage to the hallway that led upstairs. Bo, her posture sagging with the weight of tiredness and weariness, stood at the doorframe, using the last of her energy to extend her arm toward an approaching Lauren, palm face up in invitation. The difference in this established ritual observed when the heiress comes home after a day at the hospital…..a hint of the shift in the paradigm of their relationship. Shifting uneasily in the bed Lauren gets up and goes looking for Bo. She finds her fast asleep in her leather arm chair in the study. Watching her, Lauren feels an overwhelming appreciated silent acknowledgement of "more" knowing what she feels for Bo is more than friendship.

Walking over to Bo, Lauren leans over whispering, "Honey, wake up. Come to bed with me please!" She opens her eyes and acknowledges Lauren with a nod.

The gleam of affection in dark angry eyes, though slightly dulled by exhaustion, reflected the usual fondness and reverence, but Lauren detected the added spark of unconcealed awareness in the tender gaze. She'd smiled her appreciation as they quietly walked through the doorframe towards their bedroom. The brunette had stopped their progress and released her hand when they had arrived at the door to their bedroom pulling Lauren into an embrace. Brief though it was, it verbalized a wealth of emotion that the heiress couldn't quite articulate yet. Lauren stole a few moments' worth of being enveloped in an impassioned embrace, before parting from each other amid murmured goodnights and sleep wells. As they both got into bed and snuggled closer together, Lauren found herself being spooned by Bo, feeling secure in the arms of her best friend. Drifting off to sleep Lauren realized with clarity that the intimacy she now shared with Bo paled in comparison to anything that she'd ever shared with Dyson both during their relationship and their marriage. Waking a few hours later she glanced over at the bedside clock, it read 4:30am. Looking across toward Bo she watched her friend as she slept, her heart fluttered in her chest as she got a clearer view of her beloved friend's features, dark curls splayed on the pillow nestling her head. Tightness soon replaced the flutter as observed eyebrows furrowed in sleep; the tall woman looking diminutive curled in the foetal position, clasped hands tucked under her left cheek, lying perilously close to the edge of the bed.

"Didn't your fancy boarding school teach you that watching someone sleep is creepy," Bo broke into the silent surveillance, voice laden with sleep, bleary eyes wrestling to stay opened. A smile crept onto the surgeon's face, the hint of humour she detected in the reprimand allowed her to relax.

The smile broadened as she saw Bo roll over onto her back and extend an arm out. Lauren found herself moving towards her friend, enveloped in loving arms before lying down beside her. Because she could – was now permitted to – Lauren lessened the distance even more by shifting closer, pulling the brunette's hand onto her abdomen, ever mindful of the woman behind her. This was what she had come for when she sought Bo out this feeling of belonging, the contentment of just being with her. As the sun broke through the curtains signalling that it was morning Lauren found herself still held by Bo and a smile crossed her face as she expelled a soft sigh, bearing down and letting the brunette carry more of her weight.

She draped her head on Bo's chest as the brunette rolled over onto her back, smiling timidly, she maintained eye contact and then sheepishly said, "Thank you for looking after me."

Bo watched as Lauren proceeds to extricate herself from the loving arms of her friend.

"Lauren, I would do anything to protect you," Bo responded as she watched Lauren head into the bathroom.

Smiling happily Bo headed to the kitchen to make breakfast for her and Lauren. After last night Bo was sure that Lauren would be much more careful but at least she'd not have to worry about James anymore, of that she was sure. James was immediately dismissed from the hospital and rumours ran amuck with all kinds of theories whilst Bo and Lauren grew closer as the weeks went by. Lauren began to feel confident in herself again and found that she didn't need Bo around so much although she would never admit how much she liked her friend's company whenever they were together. The incident with James had long been forgotten until, 8 weeks later; Lauren's kneeling over the toilet throwing up her breakfast for the second day in a row. Bo thought about the fact that Lauren could be pregnant the day before after she first threw up, but didn't want to say anything if it was just a stomach bug, but now it's day two and she knows it's time to say something because Lauren also missed her period.

"Is it possible that…this isn't some stomach bug?" Bo asks holding Lauren's hair back for her as she finishes throwing up, sitting on the floor and leaning against the tub.

"What else could it be Bo?" her mind is foggy from throwing up to think clearly.

"Well I can think of something…..that could be causing this….and that bastard James is to blame for this."

"Bo what are you….?" Lauren gasped. "He didn't use protection….and I missed my period!"

"I was going to say something yesterday but I didn't want to jump to conclusions just in case it was just a stomach bug…..but now I'm thinking maybe it's something else."

"Well…if this isn't a stomach bug and I am in fact pregnant, what am I going to do?" Lauren asks as tears begin to fall down her face.

"I can't have a baby….what can I offer?" She practically screams at Bo who can only hold her friend as she sobs desperately.

"Lauren, you're an amazing woman and I will be with you every step of the way. You're not alone anymore I am here for you and this baby," Bo assures her confidently.

Was she ready to have a ready-made family? Could she handle Lauren and a baby? Bo shakes her head to clear the thoughts plaguing her. She wants Lauren more than anything else in the world but realizes that they need to talk about things first of all.

"What am I going to do…..how am I going to raise a baby without its father?" Lauren retorts sadly as she looks into Bo's face.

"Lauren, I will take responsibility for this baby and also for you. You will want for nothing this I promise you. I will raise this baby with you as if it were my own flesh and blood."

Lauren is taken aback by Bo's bold declaration and replies, "I can't ask you to do that Bo. It's too much to ask of someone especially when the baby isn't even theirs."

Taking Lauren's hand in hers Bo looks into her eyes before saying, "If you're pregnant, which I am fairly certain you are, I want this baby. I want you to have our baby."

Bo didn't know if she should smile or not because she was worried that Lauren wasn't ready to have a kid let alone have a kid with her.

Lauren smiles at Bo upon hearing the last statement which comes out of her friend's mouth, "Our baby, is this what you really want. A ready-made family?"

Looking at Lauren, Bo stands up and approaches her "It's your body, Lauren so this is all you. I know what I want but it's up to you."

Hoping to hear the answer she wants, Lauren asks, "Bo, I could be carrying our baby. It maybe my body but you have a say in this too since we'll be raising the baby together. I know what you want and I want, but I need to hear you say it to know this is truly what you want."

"Lauren, I want you and this baby. I want us to be a family and share all the things that other families share. I want to do this with you."

The brunette allowed a minute to luxuriate before repositioning them, shifting to so that she was facing the blonde without breaking contact drawing Lauren in more closely carefully moving her head, not wanting to jostle the blonde, to press her lips against her forehead. She smiled as she heard her contented sigh. Another slight adjustment to her position, she prepared to speak.

"I've spent the past year and a half suppressing my feelings for you. I had to control my urges making sure that nothing, not a word or action, would hint at them. I had to shoot down any and all hope of being with you. I've argued with the voice goading me into breaching our friendship. For more than a year, I've had to constantly remind myself that I shouldn't even entertain ideas about you…..that way. I'd go over and over the differences between us, why I'd never measure up. I had to condition my body not to take pleasure in any physical contact or proximity, to respect boundaries."

Lauren looked into Bo's eyes as she searched for the truth in what she had just said. In her eyes Lauren could see love and respect reflected back at her. What exactly was her best friend trying to tell her? Lauren loved Bo with an intensity she had never known before and it scared her.

Bo tipped Lauren's face up to establish eye contact as she gently acknowledges, "I'm scared I might have screwed this up."

"You didn't screw anything up, Bo. I'm just trying to take everything you've said in," Lauren assured, resting her head on Bo's shoulder.

Neither attempted to move, both content with the intimacy of the closeness they shared. There would be time and opportunity for other things later on but right now this moment called for slow and leisurely, reflective of and celebrating their beginning. They broke apart after an enjoyable minute, gazes mirroring tenderness and fondness. Lauren wanted to explain to Bo how she felt about her, why she felt the way she did about her friend and how it could never compare to anything else.

Breathing in she turned around to face Bo, thinking about what she's going to say and then opened her mouth, "It's a cliché, but I've never wanted anyone like this before. Never wanted, no, needed anyone this much and it makes me doubt what I have had before and I'm trying to process this information."

Bo watched Lauren as she continued to speak, "What I feel for you is far more intense than what I've ever felt before even with Dyson. I won't lie and say I'm not attracted to you because I am just not in a sexual way. I am in love with you….this is true but my attraction for you is more emotional than anything else. You fulfil me in ways no other person has or will ever be able too."

She loved Bo Dennis like she had never loved anyone before. Emotionally it was on a very different level than the other relationships she had with men, much more intimate and deeper.

"How I feel about you…it's big, and it's real and…it eclipses everything I ever thought I knew about love ….." She felt her heart swell painfully at the beautiful smile that lit up Bo's face. "And I know that it's only going to keep growing. I know that….cause it's been getting stronger every day. That means sooner or later, more than likely later, it's going to manifest in a more physical aspect and when the time comes I hope that you will be open to discussing how we progress at that point."

Lauren notices the way Bo contemplates what she has just said, notices the way, despite its serious nature, it meant something meaningful to her. Lauren notices other things too, things she had only passively noticed before, like the way Bo's eyes periodically deepened with affection while they conversed, the way Bo's raucous voice stimulated in her an inclination to be flirtatious, the way Bo's unruly hair was somehow an attractive embodiment of her personality.


	5. Bo & Lauren

**A/N - Here's the 2nd chapter for today.**

* * *

These were all things Lauren mentally recorded as evidence of her attraction to Bo, but things that Lauren didn't have the ability to scientifically explain. They were just, plain and simple, attractive, drawing Lauren closer to Bo, enticing Lauren to want more. Something about the way Bo's so attentive to her, the way they connected, could seem to read her thoughts, the way Bo always came to Lauren's aid so quickly, the way Bo had laced her arms around her in that unnecessarily protective embrace…Lauren loved Bo, of course. And Bo often looked at Lauren with an unmistakable love that made Lauren's heart ache with affection. But this was something even more, something different. What was it, love? Lauren couldn't deny a slight attraction to Bo but she'd always considered that natural and attributed it to their close friendship and reverence for each other, her own appreciation of human anatomy, and Bo's decidedly attractive features. But when Bo's hands slid across her stomach, arms clung to her hips, or Bo's body pressed comfortingly behind her, there was something more than a passing, admiring attraction. Lauren felt safe, loved and secure in her relationship with Bo. She never felt the need to analyse everything that the other woman said or did because to her it was home.

"So where do we go from here Bo?" Lauren asked hesitantly awaiting the answer. A fleeting thought passed through Bo, not even so coherent so as to be dubbed a thought.

Rather, it was a passing fear, one that quickly seized her and then subsided upon quick dismissal.

Looking at Lauren, she answered, "For once in my life I want to give rather than I want to get. I want to spend my life making you happy, making you laugh…."

A small smile curved the edges of her lips. "Making you truly believe that you are the most important thing in the universe to at least one person….me! I love you Lauren with everything I am and if this is all we'll ever truly have …..two friends in love and nothing more….I won't love you any less."

"Then you need to go to the store and get a pregnancy test because I want to know if I am carrying your child or not." Lauren was smiling from ear to ear now.

Bo went and got the test. Lauren took it and found out that she was in fact pregnant they indeed were having a baby together. All that was needed now was for Bo and Lauren to sort out the legal ramifications of them deciding to raise Lauren's baby together. A week and a half later, Bo and Lauren went to the doctor to have an ultrasound done to confirm and make it 100% certain that Lauren was pregnant. They expected to hear a heartbeat, but what they didn't expect to hear at the scan was two heartbeats. They were having twins. After the initial shock had worn off, Bo had arranged a meeting with her lawyers so that she and Lauren could sort out the legal aspect of their joint venture regarding their children. FitzPatrick, Bo's personal lawyer advised the couple that they should marry in order to solidify Bo's claim as the children's other mother, that way they could prevent James from trying to claim paternity. Lauren is at first taken aback by what FitzPatrick has suggested and ponders it for a minute. What would it be like if she was married to Bo Dennis…her best friend?

"I think we should get married, Lauren. At least then our children will rightfully carry my name and James will have no claim to them."

"You want to get married?" Lauren asks hesitantly.

The way Bo's face falls tells Lauren, this conversation is delicate and not to be taken as lightly as she responds to her best friend's often strange suggestions and questions. This one, however, is different to this suggestion there is truth, depth and purpose.

"Not married," Bo murmurs. "Just together."

She raises her gaze to meet Lauren's. Lauren sees hope and happiness shining in her best friend's eyes. "You and I, we're like partners, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose." Bo tilts her head in question.

"Of course, Bo. We're partners." Bo begins to fidget, to twist the inexpensive but so adored necklace Lauren had given for her last birthday around her neck.

"I do not think marriage is for me, you haven't shown an interest in anybody for a long time….we spend all of our free time together."

Lauren's head is swimming with Bo's words. "So what, if we decided to….share our lives together?"

Lauren hears as she watches Bo's lips move. "Bo, I'm not gay," is the first thing she can think to say.

For this, she feels horrible, because she's known from the moment Bo brought this up minutes ago, that what Bo is suggesting isn't about that. It's about the fact they love each other more than friends should. How they love each other, Lauren isn't quite sure. It's different from what she's ever felt for Jason or Dyson. It may be less passionate, and it's hardly sexual (except for the rare, fleeting thought). There's no doubt that it's intense.

"Neither am I," Bo states surely. "But I love you."

Lauren watches her hand reach across the table for Bo's, feeling the quaint familiar fingers settle so comfortably alongside her own.

"Bo." A strange thrill runs through Lauren.

She likes talking about this, entertaining the thought, even if she does have to dismiss it as nonsense. "I love you, but I don't think it would work."

Bo is not fazed. "We wouldn't have to engage in sexual activity, Lauren."

Lauren blinks widely. "Where is this coming from?"

"I am doing exactly what FitzPatrick has suggested plus I'm lonely," Bo explains. "And I don't want to be alone forever. I like the way you make me feel," she adds.

Lauren's heart swells with pride, and she leans closer across the table. "The way I make you feel?"

Bo's fingers settle further into Lauren's hold. "Safe." Lauren watches their hands. "Loved." Bo is pale, and Lauren is dark. "Needed." Lauren licks her lips.

"Honey, I'm always going to be here for you. I'll always need you."

Bo huffs, frustrated that Lauren can't see the sense that she can in her own proposal. "Lauren, I want to commit to somebody who is always going to care for me. I'm sorry, I thought that —"

"You don't need to settle, okay?" Lauren interrupts.

Bo pulls her hand away slowly, and her gaze which had so steadily held Lauren's until that moment falls.

"Sharing your life with me would be settling for second best for you?"

"No," Lauren make clears. "Not for me. But it'd be settling for second, hell, nineteenth best, for you."

"You're wrong. It wouldn't be settling. We'd live together, maybe get married one day….."

"Married?!"

"I'd be committed to you; you'd be committed to me. We're starting a family and if you wanted more children then we could do that together."

"Bo we're both young. Marriage is a very serious commitment and my last one wasn't successful as you know only too well."

"Lauren, I am not Dyson and I wouldn't ever cheat on you…for god's sake woman..…I'm in love with you and am even prepared to raise these twins with you besides; I take marriage vows very seriously. I respect them."

"I respect them too," Lauren stresses.

"But we would love each other." Bo shakes her head.

"Not that way."

"Okay, maybe not romantically and sexually. But we'd be loyal and true to our promises." Lauren is silent. "What can a man offer you in marriage that I can't?" Bo challenges.

"Bo, I'm not.….I'm not gay. I know that you've asked me in the past, but I'm really not gay. I like men. I like to be desired by men."

"So it's about the sex for you? Is that it Lauren?

"Isn't it about sex for you? Bo, you love men. You love sex." Bo purses her lips readily to protest, but Lauren continues. "And like I said, I take marriage vows seriously. I'm not a lesbian, Bo. Being together would mean that we would have a life without love and real fulfilment."

Bo leans closer across the table. She picks at a thread stuck to the sleeve of Lauren's suit jacket. "So you did not feel fulfilled falling asleep in my arms last night?"

Lauren can feel the blush rising on her chest. "You make it sound like something it isn't," she says quickly.

"So we fell asleep together," Lauren belittles the memory. "I was tired. It's not like we have some kind of romantic connection."

Bo watches Lauren closely, and Lauren fears that her textbook knowledge of psychology can read more in her expression than Lauren can read within herself.

"Maybe not romantic," Bo explores, "Certainly intimate. For me, what we have is intimate."

There is a moment of quiet. Lauren takes Bo's hand in her own and holds it tightly in the fear that she might let go if Bo brings up anything else that makes her question what it is that makes their friendship so special.

"Lauren, it's not about us being straight women entering a lesbian relationship, or settling for second best. It's about you and me always being together. I wouldn't cheat on you. There'd be other ways to fulfil my sexual needs…..by myself."

Lauren squeezes her eyes shut in protest, but Bo shushes her. "Just let me paint a canvas for you," she insists.

Lauren groans and fixes a confused, pointed stare on her best friend. "A picture."

"A picture," Bo reiterates.

Lauren rolls her eyes. "Just listen, please, Lauren." Lauren's respectfully quiet for a moment. "We move in together, tell people we've fallen in love."

"Why'd we tell people that?" she interrupts.

Bo's stare falters and becomes unfocused, uncomfortable. "Because we wouldn't want it to seem like we'd be settling for second best."

"Hate to break it to you, Bo, but yeah, we would. You've lady parts. Sorry, but they're second best."

"People wouldn't need to know that you're settling for me," Bo responds softly, the hurt evident in her snappy tone. Lauren watches as she draws a deep breath.

"THEY'D JUDGE US," she murmurs, her voice wavering. Lauren bites her tongue and her words. "They'd under estimate our love, our commitment. They'd all speak about it behind our backs. 'Lauren will leave Bo soon she'll find a man and have a family.' I don't want that. I want true, respectable commitment." Lauren's head felt heavy.

"Besides," Bo continues. "A romantic label for our relationship would suit us more appropriately."

Lauren blinks twice and feels that lump swell larger in her throat. "Eventually, there'd probably be little things that we would crave."

"Like what?" she can't stop herself from asking.

"Like falling asleep in each other's arms." Lauren tells herself that she'll come to regret that decision.

However, she's lying to herself. "I was tired."

"You were not tired. Your eyes weren't puffy or anything and I know that you did not go to the club last night because Hale told me; you didn't end up meeting him. So, I know that you lied about that. I also know that lying about being tired made it easier for you when you consciously slipped your leg between mine before we fell asleep."

"Can you please lower your voice?" Lauren whispers, glancing behind herself to determine whether anyone can hear them.

"Regardless of what we called it, a sexual relationship or companionship, people would speculate if we said that we're now a couple and have fallen in love." Lauren gulps and turns back to Bo.

"Don't you think we have the right to label it for what it is, what it could be?" Bo asks, expecting a concise, articulate answer to her question. Lauren is reeling from the questions and Bo's determined hazel gaze.

"I get you. You know that, right?" Bo nods. "I don't want you to be lonely either." Bo smiles. "But this is all…"

"We tell people we've fallen in love because at least that part is true," Bo starts again, this time with a gentle smile playing on her lips.

This is her last attempt to try for this, Lauren realizes, because the tears in Bo's eyes are telling Lauren that Bo is both embarrassed and desperate.

"We get engaged and married. You come home to me; we make dinner together at night, and share breakfast in the mornings. I respect you, you respect me. We can just be us, under the same roof. A comfortable happy life. Nothing sexual. Just…family. Love. Safety. Christmases, New Year, birthdays, and we'd have more children. Your mother would be a grandma."

She pauses. "You'd have me for yourself," are her last words and they reach something inside of Lauren, pull and unravel, twisting a coil of want, a trigger of longing that she's never seen so plainly and never been able to label.

Lauren blushes in shame. "Have you for myself?" she whispers.

"Don't play coy. We both know you get incredibly jealous when men pay attention to me whenever we're out together." Lauren reaches for her drink, it's empty.

"And it isn't because you want their attention." Forget thirst. Lauren needs to get hammered, right now. "It's because you want mine."

Lauren draws a deep breath that lodges itself in her chest. "What's with this new seductress thing you've got going on?" she questions heatedly, her voice gravelly and deep. "You never used to do that."

"You never used to want me the way you do or fall asleep in my arms," Bo shoots back as their eyes meet.

Lauren realizes that perhaps this 'thing' that Bo's proposing isn't so maddening after all but it's pretending that she doesn't want it that is driving her insane.

After their conversation a week passes without any more mention of it from either Lauren or Bo. Lauren can feel the silence as her friend sits quietly in the study reading a book or something, trying to look busy.

She treads carefully toward Bo as she says, "Come on, talk to me, Bo."

Looking up from her book Bo responds, "It's insulting that you think I'm so desperate."

Lauren pleads, "I don't think that."

Responding Bo states, "Because I'm not. I am not desperate."

Sheepishly Lauren answers, "Okay."

She's not sure of what to say next as Bo continues, "I think that I made a fool of myself last week."

"Bo, no," Lauren clarifies. "I understood. I understand."

"I just thought that we could be happy together, you know."

Lauren carefully thinks about what it is she wants to say to that. "It's not that you wouldn't make me happy. You would."

The way the corners of Bo's lips curve reminds her of how fragile and sensitive Bo is to lightly, Lauren_. _"But I don't know if it's enough."

Bo smiles wistfully, thankfully. She is calm. She is certain. She confesses, "You're the only person who has ever loved me."

Lauren shakes her head. Oh, Bo. "That's not true."

"It is," Bo states surely, and closing the book that lies before her on the desk. "Nobody's ever loved me the way you do." Their gazes lock. "My family biological and adoptive, they care for me. They don't know me like you do. They don't appreciate me like you do."

Bo hesitates. "I just want you to understand why I suggested the arrangement. I promise not to bring it up again, Lauren."

Bo gently places the book back in the bookcase as she makes her way out of the study leaving behind a very confused Lauren.

After work, they find themselves together for the second time that day. They're eating pizza in the kitchen standing over the counter again as Bo dabs at pepperoni grease with a napkin. Lauren isn't hungry.

"You want to know something?" she asks casually as she unbuttons her purple satin shirt and slips it over the back of a chair.

Bo bought her a few shirts, really nice shirts, for her last birthday. They're just plain with a feminine cut that sits on her frame perfectly.

Although she hasn't admitted it, they make her feel good more feminine, and more attractive, comfortable. It's funny, silly almost, how little things can change the way you feel about yourself.

"What?" Bo responds in question, but she is distracted by the task at hand.

"Before you met Andre, before he was released from prison, I used to have this little fantasy." Bo hums her reply, but doesn't glance up. "I used to hope that one day you'd fall in love with Ian."

This catches Bo's attention. She stands straight and raises an eyebrow. Lauren doesn't dare meet Bo's gaze. Lauren, who is confused and conflicted and a little uneasy, has always been honest. Honest enough for Bo.

She continues. "One day when he's a real grown up, an adult with his own place. You know, like he is now. That's when you'd fall for him."

Bo waits for a moment for more, and Lauren steps closer, moves around the counter island to stand next to Bo and pull their halves of a delicious pizza apart. Bo licks her lips.

"I'd watch the way you two interacted and think that, yeah, it would be real good. He would have a wife, you'd have a good guy who loved, respected and appreciated you like I do. And you'd be a Thornwood, always around." Lauren's voice does not falter.

"But then Andre came back and you were attracted to him, and it bugged me. Suddenly the reason why I liked the idea of you and Ian together was obvious — you weren't attracted to him. To Ian, I mean. Not that I wanted you to be attracted to me. I'm not saying that. It's just that Ian was safe for you — for me — because you didn't want to spend time with him. But Andre, and any other guy, they'd take you away from me. Ian would respect you, he would also respect me. Respect what you and I have."

Lauren shrugs and Bo's eyes follow the slice of pizza in awe as Lauren, relaxed and maybe a little embarrassed, brings the point to her thin lips.

"So you didn't want to share me back then?" Bo wonders as she takes a bite of chicken and mushroom pizza.

"I don't want to share you now." The words are heavy in actuality, but they are light on Lauren's lips.

"I'm not a possession," Bo counters jokingly.

Lauren drops her half-eaten slice of pizza back in the box and turns towards the fridge for a coke. "You know that is not what I meant." Her voice is rough.

Bo straightens her posture. "So what's the difference between your perfect fantasy of me ending up in a nice domestic life with Ian as opposed to a comfortable, safe relationship with you even if I'm not attracted to either of you?"

Lauren returns to stand beside Bo with a coke for herself and a bottle of wine for Bo. She retreats for a glass.

"There is no difference. That's why you deserve more. To be loved."

"Wanted, you mean?"

A cabinet door slams closed behind Bo. "No, loved. Loved passionately. You deserve someone whose in love with you in every possible way not just emotionally."

Lauren fills Bo's glass. "Thank you, Lauren."

The silence is long and filled with trepidation as they finish their meal and then sit down to watch TV as they always do. But Bo's legs don't curl up beside her, and she sits as far away from Lauren as possible.

Lauren feels like she's said her piece and maybe this is it. Maybe they'll never bring it up again. There will be days, maybe even weeks of awkwardness because this is more than just one of Bo's weird, funny little comments. This is big but they'll get over it. Together. Separately.

One day this'll be laughable but presently, the tension they've created for themselves does not permit laughter.

"Lauren, I want you to know…I wouldn't be settling for you."

She holds back the groan which would release frustration and confusion, that little ache that tells her she's denying a good thing. Anopportunity. She holds back so that Bo can have her release.

"You have used the term 'settling' a few times. We both have. But it's not like that. I haven't suggested the arrangement just to save us from loneliness. I want you." Lauren blushes. "Not only emotionally but sexually as well. I want to be yours, and for you to be mine. I know you are not ready to be with me in that way and I won't push you. I still want you nonetheless"

A thrill ignites within Lauren. Lauren wants to tell Bo to stop. That it's too much for friends. Because really, Bo Dennis doesn't understand where the line between friendship and love is drawn; she never has. Lauren is selfish. She has wanted too much of Bo's attention. So Lauren doesn't tell Bo to stop because this is exhilarating and she's too selfish to care about right and wrong when Bo Dennis, someone who, on some level, she's always both wanted and wanted to be with, wants to be hers.

"I want that more than for some man to fall in love with me," Bo adds, and Lauren appreciates the way her eyes clear as she speaks, as though Lauren has tainted her darkly over the years and finally she's cleansing herself.

"That's not settling for second best, Lauren. That's knowing exactly what I want. Wouldn't it feel good to know that I'm yours?"

"You're not a possession." Bo bites her bottom lip.

"What if I wanted to be your possession?"

****Flashback****

Hello?

Bo.

Lauren? What's wrong?

I feel guilty.

…..…

Do you need me to come over? I can come over.

…..

Lauren?

I feel guilty because every time he leaves, I felt relieved. And today his parents pressured me to sit in the front row and I didn't want too.

You love him.

He makes me feel like a possession, Bo. I don't love that.

…

Bo?

Yes?

He told me that I couldn't stay over with you anymore.

…..

Well, Lauren, there wouldn't really be any need for that once you're married unless the circumstances were —

I told him that sometimes I just like to hold you while you slept to know that you're breathing and safe and he told me, that couldn't happen once we were married.

…..…

He said that it was time for him to hold me as I slept.

Are you drunk, Lauren?

…..

He asked me if I'd ever thought that maybe I was a lesbian, if you and I'd ever crossed the line between friendship and something more.

Oh, Lauren. It's okay. We have a close bond, and if Dyson doesn't understand that, it doesn't make you a poor fiancée. Men sometimes have trouble understanding the intimate relationships, women share and —

I told him that he couldn't stop me from spending nights with you, and if he didn't like that, then maybe we shouldn't be getting married.

Lauren, you shouldn't have done that.

He left soon after, but came back and apologized for questioning my friendship with you. Bo. I feel so guilty because I'm comparing him to you.

****End of flashback****

"Don't say stuff like that, Bo." Lauren flicks between channels. News report on a kidnapping, whale documentary or a love scene.

"This could be good, Lauren. It'd be so special." Lauren throws the remote between them.

"What happens if a man comes along and you fall in love? Or I fall in love? What then?" Lauren asks lowly, her eyes trained on the TV and Bo's trained on Lauren.

"Nothing would happen. We'd be committed to each other."

"What if it's life-altering passion?"

"I've had that. It doesn't compare to….this."

Lauren hesitates to respond. It's improbable. But she can't help but wonder. "But if it did for me?"

Bo releases a deep breath. "You keep asking all of these questions and you know that I don't like what-ifs… something tells me that, if you truly weren't considering this, you'd have stopped asking questions as soon as I proposed the idea."

"Eugh. Can you not use the word 'propose'?" Lauren states rather brashly.

"If you could try to stop being so fearful of this, of what you want, perhaps I'd consider it."

Lauren cringes at Bo's upset tone. She watches her stand and retreat to the kitchen. Lauren turns off the TV and follows Bo. Bo turns out the living room light. I guess that's my cue to leave_._Lauren reaches for the pizza box and disposes of it.

"I'm not afraid," she mumbles as she turns back to Bo, who is standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the hallway with a defeated expression on her face.

Bo crosses her arms over her chest. "What is it that is keeping you from accepting the fact that this is a genuinely sensible idea? Because the way I see it is that we really don't have any other option that is going to make us happy, together or apart."

"Because it's not real. You want to tell people that we're together. And we're not."

"Well what does it mean when we only want to spend our lives with each other?" Lauren feels the tears burning behind her eyes. The realization that she'd lose Bo over this becomes apparent.

"It means that I've put you through enough shit, and now you seem to think that you need me, which is ironic because I'm the one who always seems to put you in difficult positions in the first place."

Bo's expression softens and she steps closer to Lauren. "You're wrong. That's not the only reason why I need you." Her voice drops to almost a whisper. "I give up on convincing you any longer. I'm tired, Lauren. I'm going to bed."

The question is greater than impulsive. "Can I sleep with you?" Bo scoffs.

Lauren swallows. "I heard it, okay." She shakes her head, trying to clear this cloud of confusion, desperation and desire.

"I heard it," she repeats but she doesn't leave right away.

Lauren walks to the end of the hall and leans against the door of the bathroom as Bo brushes her teeth. She stands, watching her best friend for a moment, trying to convey that she's still there. Always.

"The guilt you're feeling now," Bo murmurs as she rinses her mouth, "..…about asking to sleep in our bed…if you agreed to the commitment, you wouldn't feel that ever again."

Lauren smiles flatly. "That would be nice." Bo steps past Lauren, and turns the bathroom light out behind her. Lauren turns to look at Bo, who seems to be disappearing.

"I'm not asking you to marry me tomorrow," Bo clarifies as she stands in the dimly lit hallway.

"I'm not clinically insane. I'm asking for us to be exclusive to share with family and friends, our commitment sometime soon." Lauren ignores Bo's remark.

She's over talking about it. "I'm going to Madame Tussauds tomorrow morning. Want to come?"

Bo nods the usual happiness devoid in her expression. Lauren hates that she's let it come to this, that she kept the prospect of 'the arrangement' alive even in denial.

"Yes," Bo answers. "Turn the kitchen light out before you come to bed, please." Lauren wants to reach out and comfort her friend.

She doesn't dare. "Good night, Bo."

Lauren watches Bo walking amongst the wax statues. Bo's smiling, Lauren feels full with joy and happiness. Suddenly it occurs to her that this feeling, this overwhelming sense of stability and purpose, is better than anything she has ever felt before. It's a million times better than waking up to find Dyson watching her, his sweet, kind eyes so proud of himself. It's almost as good as she felt the day she graduated from medical school. Bo makes me happy, Lauren thinks. Oh god. I want this_._

"Bo," she starts….but her friend isn't listening to anything she's saying and so she tries again, "Listen, Bo —"

"I want to do this."

"I know Lauren. Right now is not the best time to resolve this matter let's just enjoy ourselves without fighting okay."

"No. I'm talking about the commitment thing. You and I." Bo looks up sharply, and her eyes are dark and unreadable. "I want to do it with you."

All of a sudden, everything is too real. The air burns in her throat. Her pulse racing. Bo's eyes are becoming clearer, clearer, clearer. Her smile spreads higher than Lauren has seen it reach in a long time, too long. Finally, Lauren feels like a weight that was placed in her heart has been lifted. Lauren can't help but wonder if her newfound awareness that a weight has been lifted has anything to do with the fact that she's found herself standing on a tightrope. Suddenly, balance means everything. As her pregnancy progresses Lauren begins to understand Bo's way of thinking and why this commitment's important to her. She wants nothing more than to protect Lauren and the twins…her family. Lauren is scared not about the fact that she'll be marrying her best friend but because her marriage with Dyson didn't work out and somehow she feels that she is too blame for the breakup. Lauren's now almost three months along and has been advised by her Obgyn to exercise lightly and even permitted her to go jogging within reason. Bo has been to every appointment with her and has even been named as her partner on the medical forms appointed the person who'll make medical decisions on behalf of her if and when the time comes. Bo has taken the role of being 'Lauren's partner' very seriously and even goes so far as to ensure that her best friend is comfortable, has whatever she wants day or night no matter what it is and if she can't get it, she finds a way too.

They jog quietly for a long time, as they always do. "It has been two weeks, you have not said anything about starting this," Lauren states curiously.

"I wanted to give you some time to make sure." Bo moves closer to Lauren, clearing the way for an elderly man coming towards them. "It's a big decision."

"I want too." Why, Lauren doesn't know. There is something she has been thinking about, something that she's unsure about. She doesn't know why it's been playing on her mind, but the reality is that it has.

"You don't think that by doing this it's like, homophobic or something?" Lauren asks.

Bo keeps the pace; she's always kept up with Lauren never falls behind never runs ahead, in sync. It has never occurred to Lauren that she runs a little slower for Bo to keep up with her, and it still doesn't.

"Homophobic?" Bo wonders.

"Well you suggested that we tell everyone that we are a couple to validate what we have. You don't think that's wrong?"

"Maybe," Bo pants. "But we're the only ones who know it's a facade. We're not hurting or offending anyone. We're just attempting to make it easier for them to understand."

Lauren slows to a stop and rests her palms on her knees. It has been a while since they have gone jogging, and the cold is making her legs ache, which always seems to affect the rest of her form.

"We're not gay. Don't you think we are making a mockery of same-sex relationships?"

Bo stands before her and blinks twice in confusion. "I think we are making a mockery of love if anything." She pauses for a moment, considering Lauren's concern. "But not same-sex relationships," she adds.

Lauren takes off. After a second, she slows down and allows Bo to catch up. "Is it the fact that I'm a woman that bothers you?" Bo asks.

Lauren turns to meet Bo's eyes, but she's focused on the dirt path ahead. "No. Of course not," Lauren assures her.

"I mean, it makes it harder, poses more problems, sure. But that was not why I didn't commit to this right away."

Lauren knows when her best friend becomes nervous and insecure her hand gestures become accentuated and her speech falters.

Lauren watches Bo's right hand wave before her as she emphasizes every second word. "Look, friends – male and female, female and female, male and male —"

"Yeah, _people_," Lauren adds.

"People, regardless of gender, often have back up plans."

"Hey, ho." Lauren touches her hand to Bo's elbow and guides her to the nearest bench. As they sit, Lauren realizes that they've sat here before, "Back up plans?" Lauren questions casually with interest, albeit a little upset by Bo's choice of phrasing.

Bo shakes her head. "We're more than each other's back up plan, Lauren. You know that. For us, there is history and a profound relationship. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I know you do too. In a way you and I being each other's back up plan is also exactly what this is about."

It's the truth as they've become a clichéd solution to loneliness, whether there're any factors or not involved. They may find jealousy, possession and a sense of belonging in their relationship, but there's always a bottom line, love.

"It doesn't offend me," Lauren assures Bo. And it doesn't. "You're right. We are each other's back up plan." Lauren reaches for Bo's hand. "But I'm really glad that we are."

Bo looks ahead to the main street where people hurry and others dawdle on their way to work, to school, to home. "I want to start soon," she whispers to Lauren. "Okay. I could get on board with that."

"Our friends are coming to dinner on Sunday. I want us to tell them."

"You don't want to just keep this between us first?" Lauren asks, but she isn't quite sure what that would entail especially where her best friend is concerned.

"Nothing's going to change, so I can't see the point in doing that." Lauren nods, thinking her question silly.

"We should tell them so we can start looking for a bigger house when you're ready," Bo suggests.

Lauren fights to hide her grin. "Oh, is our apartment not good enough for you?"

Bo's expression falls as Lauren laughs. "I'm kidding. Kind of figured that's what would be happening." Her cheeks redden more than they already are. "So are you ready to be my girlfriend?" Lauren asks with a wink.

It's Bo's turn to chuckle. She squeezes Lauren's cold fingers; it releases the aching pressure in her hands. "We'll make it up as we go along, right?" Lauren asks hopefully.

"Everything stays the same? Like, when it's just you and I, it's not like we are actually dating?"

Bo rolls her eyes and shivers at the cold. "You flatter yourself." Lauren smirks.

"Of course, Lauren. Look, when we tell them we're a couple; they'll hardly bring it up. We do everything together already. Nothing's going to change, except we won't have to give up our attention for anyone. We are familiar and safe, bound to each other, comfortable in a way, right?" Lauren smiles at Bo's words.

The way they fall from Bo's lips makes her feel special, worthy of devotion. "And it's not like they're going to be asking for public displays of affection as evidence of a romantic relationship. Living together is enough. Plus, give it a few months and the pressure will lift. Our family and friends will get used to it. Things will go back to normal; they will have a greater respect for who we are together, regardless of the type of love that makes us happy."

Lauren bumps Bo's shoulder and grins. "And who are we together?" Bo stands and places her hands on her hips.

"Oh," Bo laughs. "We're deeply in love. Haven't you heard?"

"I'll have to call my mother to let her know that we're getting married and having babies together," Lauren advises her best friend. "I don't even know what she's going to say because it's been two years since we last spoke."

"Listen whatever happens always know that I am here for you, no matter what," Bo states as Lauren's worried expressions concerns her. "Let's go home. You can call her as soon as we get there. Then we can decide what happens next, alright."

Arriving home together, Lauren proceeded to the study with Bo following behind as she prepared to make the dreaded phone call to her mother, informing her of their upcoming nuptials.

Lisa answered on the first ring, "Hello."

"Hi mom, it's Lauren."

A gasp was heard on the other side of the line as Lisa regained her breath "Lauren, it's been so long darling. Where have you been and what've you been up too? Dyson's been looking for you and so have we. Why didn't you let us know where you were going?"

"Mom, I can't tell you where I am because I don't want Dyson to find me. I left because I needed a fresh start, away from everything and everyone in order to find myself. I called to let you know that I'm getting married again to a wonderful person called Bo."

Lisa can feel the anger inside of her at hearing Lauren drop such news on her without even telling her where she is, "What do you want me to say, Lauren? I've not known where you have been for almost 2 years and suddenly you call to tell me you're getting married."

"Mom, I don't expect you to understand but I felt you needed to know about the wedding. I really am sorry for not telling you where I was but after Dyson hurt me, I needed space. Our marriage only fell apart after two years and I found myself questioning everything. I want you to meet Bo."

Lauren is crying now as she holds the phone closer to her ear, Bo's arms engulfed around her as she hears Lisa breathe out a sigh of relief, "Lauren, I am upset that you left without a word but I can't remain angry with you forever….so all is forgiven but please tell me when I'll meet this Bo person you're marrying."

"Mom, promise me first that you won't tell Dyson where I am? Otherwise this conversation will end right now because as much as I want you to be a part of my life….Bo won't allow it should Dyson find out where I am."

As much as Lisa loves her ex-son in-law, Lauren was her daughter and she had to respect her wishes no matter if she didn't agree with it, "Honey, I promise that I won't tell Dyson where you are. Now will you tell me what you've been up too the last two years."

Lauren went onto explain to Lisa everything that had happened over the last two years and how she had landed up living with Bo despite the arrangement being temporary in the beginning. She also told her mom about falling in love with Bo and finding out they were expecting twins. Lisa was over the moon and excited that she's going to be a grandmother but that didn't last long when Lauren told her that Bo was in fact a woman.

"You're marrying a woman, Lauren. I don't know what to say."

Lauren smiled faintly, her eyes locked on Bo's, "That's okay, mom."

Tears began to fall down her face as soon as Lauren had heard Lisa's reaction to the news and as she listened for any sign that her mother was still there, the silence was broken.

"Have you always been gay, Lauren?

Lauren draws a deep breath, and is surprised that, even though this is uncomfortable, the guilt's not suffocating her. It's just that she feels so vulnerable, when really; this isn't her reality to feel vulnerable about in the least.

"I just know that I love Bo," Lauren reiterates her words.

The questions and claims that leave Lisa's lips in the mess of confusion are hasty and insensitive.

"If it's just Bo, can't you fight it? You're wasting time with each other when you should be out dating men."

But the light had drained from her eyes and as her shoulders slumped, the part of Lauren that had always looked for-ward to making her mother proud by becoming the kind of daughter Lisa had always wished for, punctured itself with the force of deep regret.

"Bo's my best friend," Lauren chokes.

"I want to be happy for you, baby." Lisa states, "But Lauren, I thought you really did want a husband and babies." Lauren hears the voice of reason snicker and say that yes, she stills wants that.

That's why this shouldn't hurt the way it does, she should feel guilty for lying about how she loves Bo, not vulnerable for expressing her love for Bo. But reason is oftentimes far from the truth, and the voice of reason is muffled by the time is reaches Lauren.

"Can't you see that this thing you've with Bo is unnatural?" Lisa gasps.

Lauren's not gay. But this claim hurts her, deeply. "Did you really just say that?" she whispers hoarsely.

"I was always okay with it, Lauren with gay people but when it's your own child….." Lauren feels as though she is watching herself drown. Like she can find the strength to save herself, is strong and powerful, but can't be bothered to prevent horror and sadness.

"I can't understand it, Lauren," Lisa apologizes. "I can't yet."

"Can you try? For me?" She whispers into the phone as Bo watches her, the relaxed expression quickly falls from her face at the sight of Lauren's distress.

"Is everything okay?" she asks softly.

Lauren closes her eyes and turns her back, but not before Bo watches as a tear runs along her cheek. There's a lump in her throat, growing beside the flourishing atmosphere of confusion and humiliation.


	6. Te Amo

Lauren catches Bo's gaze as she leans against the desk. She's changed into a white shawl sweater thing, and because of the way the light catches the highlights of her brunette hair, longer than it's ever been in the time that Lauren has known her, Lauren thinks that Bo Dennis looks divine. Bo is divine. She's divine, fragile and she loves Lauren. There really isn't anything that compares to the wholeness Lauren flushes with when she meets that hazel gaze. Lisa was wrong earlier, in the moment. It's not a mistake.

It will never be a mistake. "I want this. I want her." Bo winks at Lauren, mouthing 'it's okay' with a smile as she nods her head.

Lauren leans against the chair she is sat in and releases a breath, Bo standing nearby. She is in their study on the phone with her mother whilst her best friend watches closely as she realizes these two women want entirely different futures for her. But for Lauren there's only one future that's right for her and there's only one that she wants to fight for.

"Mom," Lauren starts, her voice rough from the ordeal of the day. "Mom, I'm sorry if I hurt you. But it's going to be okay."

"You're so beautiful Lauren," she acknowledges with a sob, anger makes Lauren undecided as to whether she should placate her mother to calm her down, or keep her distance. "You could have any man you wanted," Lisa adds. "You may never have children that are normal," is expressed like a last warning before fire.

Her mother is desperate and in despair. Lauren's eyes do not ache to roll. "We'll have children that are normal," Lauren states confidently. She leans forward to grasp Bo's hand in her own as her best friend takes in the intimate gesture.

Misery loves company, and Bo won't let Lauren sink to the depths of despair, Lisa can't seem to pull herself away from, to keep her mother company. Lisa blinks at her daughter's claim.

And Lauren knows that there are a number of ridiculous realizations running through her mother's mind based on equally ridiculous stereotypes probably something along the lines of Bois the man in this relationship, so Lauren's going to be the one giving birth. Will they really be my grandchildren even though they have two mothers?

"You've obviously thought a lot about this whole situation." Lisa finally relents as Lauren lets out a sigh of relief.

"I won't say that I am not disappointed, Lauren. In the end you're my daughter and if being with this woman, makes you happy then I won't stand in your way but I do want to meet her. After all she's going to be your wife and the other mother of my grandbabies!"

Lauren is over the moon at hearing what her mother has just said and smiles at Bo as she continues to talk on the phone, "I'll get Bo to arrange for you to come visit us soon and then you can meet the woman of my dreams, you're soon to be daughter in-law."

After Lauren has finished on the phone with Lisa, she is engulfed in a hug by Bo and finally relaxes in the warmth of her arms. "I told you everything was going to be okay, Lauren?"

"At least the hard part is over. Now we can get back to focusing on us and the wedding but I think we should let my mother help out a little at least."

"I think we need to start looking for a house," Lauren queries as she moves toward the bath-room to brush her teeth and complete her ablutions.

"When do you want to start moving in?" Bo asks as she slides into bed next to Lauren and turns out the bedside light.

"Well, I'm three months along so we don't have much time left and we have to plan a wedding along with trying to find a house…..so I think soon."

"Why don't we move into the manor estate house, then?" Bo suggests as she turns on her side to face Lauren, "it has plenty of space for us and the twins. Plus it's just outside the city so we wouldn't have to deal with congestion."

"I think that is a great idea, Bo. We still need to discuss what last name we are going to use once we're married. Will we be just Dennis, Dennis-Lewis or Lewis-Dennis?" Lauren questions.

"Does that matter?" Bo wonders aloud. "I like Lewis-Dennis and if you're happy with that then I am too?" she grins.

Lauren's long, silk pyjama pants slide along the length of Bo's smooth calves, and she shuffles back a little bit. Lauren tucks her hands behind her head, looking up at the ceiling.

"My mother thinks I'm gay," she whispers. Bo sits up; balancing on her elbow she peers down at Lauren with a saddened, empathetic smile on her lips.

"I think your mother…I have to admit that I thought she'd be more open to the idea of us being together."

"I think I may have broken her heart today," Lauren confesses. "It kills me that I did that."

"You're not at fault for being who you are, for loving me." Lauren can feel the heat of Bo's breath between them. "There's nothing wrong with it."

"I don't love you the way she thinks I do." Lauren wipes a hand over her face. "I lied to my mother today." A pause. "I'm surprised that you find it so easy to lie."

"You didn't say that you were in love with me," Bo is quick to counter.

Lauren turns to focus on Bo in the darkness. "Yeah I did."

"No, you didn't. You said that you loved me, and we'd be living together," Bo explains. "You never explicitly stated that we were a gay couple."

"For fucks sake, Bo I'm in love with you just not the way my mother thinks," Lauren groans, and swings an arm out in frustration. "Isn't it enough that she thinks it?" Lauren shifts her arm away. "I sure as hell think it is enough because she knew what I meant. My mom even asked me straight out. She thinks we're gay."

"She thinks you're gay."

"And, uh, kind of you, too!" Lauren adds.

"I never lied and said that."

"What, so you're putting all of this on me now?"

"Hey, don't get angry," Bo whispers softly as she reaches out and runs her hand over Lauren's bare bicep.

She's cold now; it won't be long before she gets hot in Bo's bed, the two of them pressed closely together in the thickest duvet she's ever slept beneath.

"I was so grateful for what you did today," Bo soothes Lauren. "What you did for us. For me."

Lauren swallows at the memory, the heat of Bo's breath on her neck. It's a reflex. It makes her uncomfortable because it's Bo, but it makes her decidedly turned on, too. Why has Bo got to get so freaking close all the time?

"Maybe we should have just told them the truth. We should have just told them that this was about companionship. They would have respected it."

"Lauren, if we live together and tell people the truth, that we are just friends, you know what they'd really be thinking. They would be thinking that you're ashamed, that you were in denial. A closeted lesbian." Lauren is quiet, taking in everything Bo has said.

"Lauren Lewis is not ashamed to be who she is, regardless of what anyone thinks," Bo continues.

"But Lauren, you would be telling the truth, and they would be making you into someone who you're not and who you are is incredible. Besides," Bo grins, "what would your mother say when she discovers that you sleep in my bed?"

Lauren groans again. She pressed the side of her face into her pillow. "Bo, you know that's just…" she trails off.

"What does it mean when you sleep with me?" Bo whispers softly.

Her breath smells like peppermint, and is hot against Lauren's clavicle when she bows her head in shyness. "I just like it, okay?" a rush of blood warms Lauren's cheeks. She's glad that she didn't decide to wear anything else over her singlet. It's too hot for that.

"There isn't a reason for everything," Lauren contests. "It's not like there's anything sexual about it."

She watches Bo bite her lip in the darkness. Hot breath begins to warm her clavicle in uneven breaths. "What are you thinking?" Lauren worries. Silence.

"It's too soon to ask you," Bo whispers. Lauren clicks her tongue in annoyance.

Okay. So…..do you think that maybe there's a possibility that you're in love with me enough to want more from our relationship?" Bo struggles to add, "Sexually?"

The silence is heavy. Lauren feels her heart begin to hammer beneath her rib cage, her entire body pulsing to numbness.

Her hand reaches for Bo's beneath the covers. "I'm not sure," she says too quickly.

"I'm in love with you and we're compatible emotionally but I am not sure whether I'd want to have a physical relationship with you." Lauren licks her lips, wishing that she could read Bo's conflicted expression. "But I do love you very, very much."

Bo interlocks their fingers. "I love you, too, Lauren." She leans over Lauren, and presses her lips below her cheekbone to Lauren's surprise. Bo pulls back a moment later.

"I've never had a best friend before, and I've never really had a significant romantic relationship either," she breathes in a rush.

Her cold feet press against Lauren's ankles. "I know I can be odd at times plus I don't always know the rules of friendship and social interactions. I mean you've helped me over the years. But living so closely together, you will tell me if I do something wrong, if I cross any lines?"

Lauren nods, but she can't find the desire to voice her promise. So she chooses not to. "You can't make any mistakes, Bo," she says instead.

This, she promises. Little was Lauren to know that she'd be the one making every little mistake for the both of them. Dinner was normal; as Lauren and Bo's friends showed up on Sunday. Lauren had seemed content with Bo's decision to wait until the meal was ready, when they'd all be seated around the table together, to bring up the announcement of their impending nuptials. As they sat together at the table along with Rachel, Rainer, Hale and Tamsin (their friends)….Bo decided it was time to let everyone know what was happening between her and Lauren.

"Uummm, okay Lauren and I have something to tell you all," Lauren came to stand next to Bo as she continued, "We're in love and have decided to get married."

What neither Lauren nor Bo knew was that their friends and even work colleagues had already assumed that they were a couple.

"That's so great," Rainer stated enthusiastically followed by Tamsin replying, "It's about bloody time, I mean you have been living together for over two years now and Bo has finally decided to make an honest woman out of you, Lauren?"

Both shocked by Tamsin's comment, Lauren and Bo are not sure how to respond when Rachel opens her mouth to say, "Congratulations Lauren and Bo, we are all so happy for you both."

Hale stands to his feet and raises his glass as he makes a toast, "To Bo and Lauren, we wish you all the joy and happiness in the world as you both embark on this journey of wedded bliss. May you both have many wonderful years together?"

Glassed clinked together as the friends all drank to the toast each wishing both Lauren and Bo congratulations on the upcoming nuptials. "We have one other announcement," Bo stated.

Their friends turned towards her as big smile broke out on her face, "Lauren and I are expecting. Twins?"

Stunned and unsure of what to say Rachel broke the awkward silence, "Well this is definitely a turn of events. Congrats on the pregnancy. You're both going to make wonderful parents."

Rainer looked on as he tried to think of something to say, "Bo, you're my cousin and for a long time we have been the only family that each other's had but now you're creating a family of your own with Lauren. I am so happy for you both."

Tamsin asked, "So whose idea was it for Lauren to be the birth mother?"

Bo was taken aback by the statement and didn't know how to respond until Lauren grasped her hand for reassurance before smiling at their friend and happily stating, "It was a mutual decision. But next time it will be Bo's turn."

Hale took a long gulp of his wine before leaning over and whispering into Rainer's ear, "Did Bo ask Lauren or was it Lauren who asked Bo?"

As quiet as he had tried to be, the conversation had been overheard by Bo who quickly replied, "Just so you know I have not asked Lauren officially yet."

Rachel and Tamsin watched their two friends conversing with Rainer as they both recalled a very vivid memory of when they first had assumed that Lauren and Bo were a couple.

****Flashback****

Bo Dennis walked into the hospital, heading for the cafeteria to meet Lauren for breakfast before their shifts started. She was early, but figured she'd just grab a coffee and wait. She paused before entering when she'd heard Lauren's name mentioned, and waited on the other side of the doors. She didn't recognize the voices and figured it must be a couple of interns. She told herself she just wanted to make sure no one was bad mouthing the paediatric surgeon.

"That Dr. Lewis is pretty hot. Think I got a shot?"

"Really, man? Dr. Lauren Lewis? Yeah, she's hot, but she works with kids all day. Besides, have you seen the way she acts around Dennis?"

"Rainer? Really? Never would've guessed. Lucky."

"Nah. Bo Dennis. Rainer's cousin. Look I know you're new here but you really don't want to mess with Bo, which means you don't want her to catch you checking out her girl."

"Really? Now, Bo I can see. But doctor Lewis a lesbian? I don't believe it. She's too hot. No way she's gay."

"I'm telling you, man, you do not want Bo to catch you looking at or talking about her girl. Not if you value your balls."

Bo then heard the distinct clicking of heels against the floor and scurried away pretending she'd not eavesdropped on the conversation. She turned to watch Lauren walking toward her, stopping herself from focusing on the way her dress outlined her figure.

"Hey, Lauren, I was just waiting for you."

Lauren looked at her oddly, "You could've waited inside at a table. I'm sure Rachel saved a table for us."

"Seriously? And risk her serving me zoo animals like I'm five? No, it's safer out here."

She quickly opened the door and ushered Lauren inside. Breakfast was uneventful, with Lauren happily ordering the bunny pancakes and Bo opting for a much safer order of scrambled eggs.

Just as they were getting ready to leave, Rachel grabbed Bo and pulled her to the side. "I just wanted to let you know that I set a couple of interns straight about you and Lauren, before you got here."

"Really, Rachel? Thanks. I don't understand why people think….." Bo then realized she wasn't supposed to know what they were saying and tried to cover herself. "I mean, what were they saying?"

"Well, one of the young interns was hoping to ask Lauren out on a date. When his friend told him you're together he couldn't believe Lauren was gay. Said she's too pretty to be gay. I told them you are both very attractive young women and there's no shame in being with a woman."

Bo just stared at her for a moment, before dragging her further to the side and hissing, "Really, Rachel? You did not tell them we are not together? You let them believe we are a couple? Do you have any idea how fast that's going to get around? I can't believe you. It's not bad enough that people can't mind their own business and stop spreading rumors, but now my own friend has to help them?"

"Why would I tell them a thing like that? I know you haven't come out to anyone, not even your own cousin, but you can't expect me to lie for you. I have eyes. I see things. I'm modern enough to know what's going on. I can't believe you wouldn't tell your own friend these things. Do you honestly think I wouldn't understand? Are you afraid I wouldn't accept you or Lauren as a couple?"

"You know. You guys are always together. Either she's coming up here, or you're going down there, you guys are always touching each other and staring at each other. If one of you is going out for food or coffee, then you ask the other to go with you. When's the last time you hung out at the club without her? Or really did anything without checking to see if she had plans and wanted to join you?"

Bo stared at her, mouth open, disbelieving what she's hearing. Her own friend thought they were together she interrupted, "Rachel, what do you mean you see things? You know what? Never mind. I don't want to know. Lauren and I are just friends. I got to go. Stop spreading rumours."

With that she turned and left, half hoping for a new case just to have something to distract her from the conversation she'd just had with Rachel.

****End of flashback****

Tamsin, Rainer, Rachel and Hale watch on as Bo contemplates what she is going to do next as Lauren continues to drink her water wondering what her friend meant by the previous statement. Bo gently traced the diamonds on Lauren's engagement ring with her finger. The ring was elegant like Lauren and she knew her girlfriend would love it, but Bo was still nervous about proposing. She had held onto the ring for over a month, just waiting for the right moment. She wanted her proposal to be special, but not overdone. There'd be no roses, candles or dinner at a nice restaurant. Lauren's a one-of-a-kind woman and Bo knew she deserved a one-of-a-kind proposal. Bo had devised a few plans on how she would propose to Lauren and she rehearsed them with Rachel and Tamsin, but nothing seemed right. There were so many moments she was tempted to propose to Lauren without rehearsing.

With each week that passed, she was becoming so lost in the very essence of Lauren. There were adoring looks Lauren gave her and a smile on her face that only Bo was the cause of. It's the little moments that made Bo want to propose to Lauren right then and there: when they'd held each other at night, when they bickered over something trivial and then made up by holding each other for hours. But, no, Lauren deserved a proper proposal. When she showed off her ring, people were bound to ask, "How did Bo propose?" She wanted Lauren to be able to tell a story that would captivate everyone.

It's what Lauren deserves. I want to see her smile when she tells the story of how she was proposed too. What if she tells the story to our children? With that thought in mind, Bo felt like crying. She's still holding onto Lauren's ring – it's a simple piece of jewellery, but it meant so much for their future. That ring would lead to their engagement, their marriage, and even a Baby Lewis-Dennis. It would lead to Lauren taking her name and the two of them making a sacred vow to love each other for the rest of their lives. It'd only been over five weeks since they'd become a couple, but every moment spent with Lauren and every glance they exchanged in such a short time was more than enough to convince Bo that Lauren was the woman she wanted to love for the rest of her life.

Taking Lauren hand in hers, Bo innocently asks while leading Lauren to "their spot" in front of the fireplace in the lounge, "Do you remember the first time I brought you here?"

"Of course, it was on my second day in London. It's the first time you told me about your nightmares, you finally opened up to me that night, not to mention..…."

"That I hugged you for the first time that night…." Bo finished wrapping her arms around Lauren.

"Yes, I might be too romantic but this place means a lot to me."

"It does to me too. I remember rehearsing for hours to find the proper way to say what I wanted to say to you.

Obviously nothing went as planned but I opened up to you that night it's all that matters right?"

"Of course I didn't want or need to hear a well prepared speech, I wanted to hear you speak from your heart and that's what you gave me."

"I know and trust me I was scared to death, I remember saying to myself please god make her stay until the end I was scared you might freak out and decide you didn't want to live with someone as damaged as me. But you didn't, you held my hand and told me everything would be ok."

"I meant what I said Bo, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." Lauren whispered turning around to face her wonderful girlfriend.

"I know, as crazy as it sounds I knew from that moment that I was going to spend the rest of my life with you for better or worse until death do us part."

"Oh Bo…" Lauren murmured foreseeing what was going to happen.

"What I'm trying to say…..." Bo mumbled kneeling in front her girlfriend and taking a small box out of her jacket.

"Oh Bo…" Lauren said tears already filling up her eyes. Taking a deep breath in and looking into her girlfriend's eyes she continues.

"I love you Lauren; I always have and always will. I love you so much I don't even have words to express it. We're soul-mates. All I know is that when I met you my life was changed from that moment on and I knew it would never be the same again. You took care of me, loved me unconditionally, accepted all my flaws and insecurities; you forgave me when I screwed up. I owe you my life; you saved me in more ways than one. I want to wake up every morning with you in my arms, watch you sleep and I want to go to bed next to you every night for the rest of my life. Doctor Lauren Lewis would you…."

"Yes…" Lauren screamed without letting Bo finish.

"Really? Oh god woman, let me finish….." Bo groaned rather loudly.

"Yes, I'm sorry." Lauren apologized.

"Where was I?" Bo nervously mumbled.

"You were about to ask me to marry you…"

"Was I?" Bo teased knowing she's driving Lauren crazy.

"Bo please…"Lauren begged tears running on her cheeks.

"Alright then…Doctor Lauren Lewis would you marry me?" Bo finally asked opening the box.

"Yes, I'd be honoured to become your wife Bo?" Lauren replied kneeling in front of her girlfriend kissing her passionately.

Applause broke out from their friends as she blushed after breaking the kiss with Bo. She then realized that she'd been so caught up in the moment and had completely forgotten they had guests before she allowed herself to get carried away. Bo was shocked by the kiss that Lauren had given to her but quickly recovered and removed the engagement ring from the box before placing it on Lauren's finger. The ring looked absolutely stunning on Lauren's hand and Bo could not help but feel smug about being engaged to her best friend.

After their friends have left Bo and Lauren make their way to their bedroom. Both start getting ready for bed when Bo asks, "Lauren, can I ask you a question?"

Looking over at her best friend, no wait, fiancée Lauren responded, "Yes of course you can."

"The kiss you gave me after you'd said yes…...what exactly did it mean?" Bo asks sheepishly as she catches Lauren's eyes with hers.

Not sure how to respond to her fiancée Lauren continues getting ready for bed as Bo continues. "Lauren, I love you and we're engaged I want to be honest with you about everything. I'm in love with you and have been since forever. I want to spend my life with you, have a family as well as everything that comes with being with you forever. The kiss you gave me after I'd proposed was a dream come true, for me it was even better than what I had imagined."

Lauren is stunned by Bo's bedtime confession and is unsure what this means.

"Lauren, you are a beautiful woman and I'm honoured that you have agreed to marry me. I want to make you happy and give you everything that your heart desires."

"Bo, I don't want to lead you on or promise you something that isn't going to happen as that'd be unfair to both of us. The kiss that we shared earlier was me getting caught up in the moment and I apologize if I gave you reason to believe otherwise."

Bo is a little hurt but refuses to show Lauren what her words do to her instead she responds, "You do not need to apologize. I just wanted to clear up any confusion there might be between us and you have already told me that you don't want a physical relationship with me."

"Bo, you're a beautiful woman and I'm in love with you just not the way you want me to be….for that I can only apologize."

"We will be okay Lauren, as long as we talk to each other about things. I am attracted to you physically but as I said before I will never force this issue on you."

"Thank you Bo, for everything." Lauren says as she engulfs her best friend in a hug before climbing into her side of the bed and indicating for Bo to follow.

"Bo!" Lauren whined, shaking her fiancée awake in the darkness of their bedroom.

"Mmm," Bo groaned, unhappy about being woken from such a peaceful sleep, which didn't happen much. She looked up at the alarm clock beside her side of the bed.

"Lauren, it's quarter past three in the morning," she moaned, turning over to face the blonde.

"The babies won't let me sleep. Can't I get up and watch some TV? I can catch up on one of my documentaries."

"No, baby, the doctor said complete rest for you and the babies'," the brunette whispered back.

"You know that. Since when do you try to defy doctor's orders, being a doctor yourself, huh?" she asked, rubbing her fiancée's five month round bump.

Smiling when she felt their twins move around within. Lauren turned over as Bo pulled her closer so that they're now spooning each other. Falling asleep again with her best friend holding her….well fiancée, Lauren found she was excited about their new life together. The next day both women got ready for work. Lauren had just finished the report when Bo walked in and walked up to her placing a kiss on Lauren's forehead and rubbing her belly.

"Ready to go, sweetheart?"

"Yes." Lauren kissed Bo on the lips. "I'm really excited for this ultrasound."

"Me too. I don't care what we are having as long as they're healthy. Which I am sure they are because they are Dennis's after all!" Bo chuckled.

"You do know that I can read an ultrasound right and will be able to tell what we're having as soon as I see it?"

"I know. I like the idea of you telling me."

They got to the doctor's office fifteen minutes later and waited in the waiting room for a few minutes before a nurse called them back, did an initial exam and took Lauren's temperature to make sure she did not have a fever and asked her basic questions about the pregnancy. The doctor, who is a friend of Lauren's she went to Med School with, came in a few minutes later. The doctor knew that Lauren would be able to read the ultrasound so she didn't really say anything because Lauren was doing all the explaining to Bo about what she was seeing on the screen.

The doctor positioned the ultrasound probe over the genitalia of twin A and Lauren's face lit up. "Bo...it's a boy!"

They're both smiling from ear to ear and had tears of joy in their eyes. The doctor continued and placed the probe over twin B's genitalia.

Lauren gasped. "A little girl, Bo! We're having a boy and a girl!" They were ecstatic.

They went back to work where they shared the news with their friends. After the celebration, Bo and Lauren sat on the couch in her office cuddled together looking at a baby name book.

"What do you want to do about last names?" Bo asked.

"Well I want them to be Dennis'." Lauren smiled.

"Do you want it to be Lewis-Dennis?"

"No. Just Dennis."

"You sure? Because I won't be mad if you want it to be Lewis-Dennis."

"I am sure. I have basically been a Dennis for as long as I have known you, and I want our kids to be Dennis." After an hour of cuddling and dreaming the newly engaged couple decided to go home.

"You have to stop admiring that ring or your eyes are going to fall off." Bo joked trying to focus on the road instead of admiring her beautiful bride to be.

"It's just so gorgeous, and I know about jewellery, it must have cost you a small fortune." Lauren replied admiring that ring on her finger that symbolized their eternal love.

"Yes, but it doesn't matter, I wanted to give you the most perfect engagement ring possible."

"You bought it in New York right?"

"How do you know that?" Bo asked rising her eye brows.

"Well, I know there's only one place which sells perfect and expensive, engagement rings like this one, Tiffany's in New York."

"You're right. I went whilst you were away, so it's a good thing your parents' house is only a few minutes from the store. I just went inside; there it was, like it was waiting for me."

"And it fits perfectly, just like you, a perfect fit." Lauren smiled unable to keep her eyes from her lovely ring.

As they arrived home Lauren headed for the kitchen as she's feeling rather peckish and had decided that food was a must at the present moment, Bo followed close behind.

"My mother and father are coming for a visit. They arrive tomorrow and will be staying at the Ritz so there is no need for us to worry about them being here with us."

Bo's expression had fallen to one of anticipation as she took in what Lauren has just said. "Do I need to ask your dad for permission to marry you?"

Smiling back at her fiancée whilst stuffing her already made sandwich into her mouth Lauren could only reply to Bo's question between mouthfuls, "You probably will. Dyson never asked my father and he was pretty upset about the fact that he had broken a family tradition."

"Great….just bloody great." Bo groaned as her head fell into her hands.

Lauren's finished eating and then came round to where her fiancée had taken a seat at the kitchen counter, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder she said, "Babe, don't worry about it. Everything is going to be okay. My parents are going to love you as much as I do."

Feeling a little better after their conversation Bo replied, "I'm sorry babe. How many guests are we talking about two hundred, three hundred? On my side it'll probably be fifteen."

"Well, probably around twenty people from my side, family and close friends." Lauren stated.

"Are you sure? I thought you'd invite all your family friends." Bo replied surprised.

"Well my parents have a lot of acquaintances, there are only a few of their friends I really know and appreciate. I don't care if they want to invite all of London's high society. This is our wedding and I intend to have it the way we want it." Lauren firmly stated.

"I thought you always had this dream of having a princess wedding?"

"I do, and I know it'll be because I'm marrying my faithful knight. I want this wedding to be warm and full of joy, not some social event my parents have organized to show off their success and money. I only want people who we truly care about to be present."

"Alright then, a small and intimate wedding it is then. You can't imagine how happy you've just made me. I was a bit scared you'd want an extravagant wedding that'd take months to plan."

"Well I don't know if it's going to take months to plan, but I certainly have ideas, about the cake, the flowers, the music and my dress. Just because we're having a small wedding doesn't mean it can't be memorable." Lauren lectured Bo.

"Exactly and I won't fight you on that, I will give you everything you want, especially where decision making is required. The only thing I'm organizing on my own is the honeymoon."

"Alright I trust you. I'm sure things are going to be perfect. But wait a minute; the first thing we need to agree on is a date." Lauren mumbled, feeling stupid that she didn't think about picking a date first.

"July fourth." Bo offered.

"That's in five weeks Bo; you're being very romantic but not realistic." Lauren objected touched by Bo's romanticism but shocked by how little she knew about wedding planning.

"I'm aware it's in five weeks, so what? I will be here to help you and I know your mom will be here too as for Hale, well he'll do what I tell him to do. "

"I know I can count on my family's support, but a wedding's very complex to organize, you've no idea what's involved." Lauren mumbled a bit panicked.

"Lauren, look at me. I know you want things perfect and I'm also aware we've very different definitions of perfection. I'd be happy to marry you tomorrow at city hall, but I know you want our wedding to be amazing and I promise you it will be. If you're worried the planning is going to be too much to take we can hire a wedding planner." Bo offered trying to calm Lauren down.

She knew too well how Lauren was when she's worried or stressed and she knew she wouldn't be able to handle her all stressed up for the next five weeks.

"Are you serious?" Lauren asked her eyes filled up with stars again.

"Of course I am, anything for you babe. You've got Hale on speed dial I'm sure you will have a wedding planner in your address book." Bo mocked.

"Actually I do. Alright I think we can manage to organize this wedding in five weeks. But I'll prefer to be honest with you and tell you right now, that I might be a….…"

"Pain in my butt for the next five weeks?" Bo mocked.

"That's not what I was going to say but yes, I might be a bit of a challenge for you to handle…..."

"Alright then, there is just one thing that is not negotiable." Bo firmly stated.

"Let me guess, you won't be wearing a dress?"

"No, I don't wear dresses in general and if you want this wedding to reflect both of us I can't wear a dress I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, even if I find you extremely attractive when you are wearing a dress, I think a tuxedo might actually be very sexy on you."

"Thank god we agree on this." Bo smiled.

Richard and Lisa Lewis were greeted by their daughter at the airport as soon as their plane landed and both were surprised to see how much she's actually showing. Pregnancy seemed to agree with Lauren and she's positively radiant. Bo was unable to make it to the airport as she had to attend an early morning board meeting at the hospital. She had been nervous since last night after Lauren told her that they would be having dinner with her parents in order for them to meet Bo. After she'd kissed Lauren goodbye this morning Bo had made a hasty retreat to the hospital in the hopes of avoiding her future in-laws as much as possible.

Lisa saw Lauren as she approached and hugged her hello before asking, "Hello darling, where is your future wife to be? Why isn't she here with you?"

"Mother, please don't start on about Bo not being here. She had an urgent meeting this morning at the hospital. How was your flight?"

"Our flight was okay although it could've been much better," Lisa complained to Lauren once Richard had retrieved their bags.

"Hi daddy," Lauren greeted her father as he set the bags down and hugged her close.

"Sweetheart, it's so good to see you. Pregnancy seems to agree with you…. You look absolutely stunning."

Blushing at what her father had said Lauren led them out to the waiting car as they were dropped off at the hotel ready to check in.

"We're looking forward to dinner tonight with you and Bo." Her mother had stated as they were led up to their room.

Lauren began to feel uneasy, quickly grabbing her mobile and dialled Bo's number. She needed to feel the reassurance that only her fiancée could provide especially when she felt nervous and uncertain about what might happen at dinner with her parents tonight. As the day drew to a close and evening approached, so did the dreaded dinner, both Lauren and Bo had been feeling uneasy about all day. Richard and Lisa were also feeling uneasy as this was the first time that they were meeting their daughter's fiancée. They'd both been shocked when Lauren had called them out of the blue after having no contact with them for almost two years and announcing that she was getting married except it's to a woman this time. On top of that she's also pregnant and expecting twins in less than four months. The biggest shock to them had been the fact that their daughter was gay. Both begun to question, where they'd gone wrong in her upbringing before finally accepting it, although that had taken two months. They had come to help plan the wedding as well as meet the woman that would become their future daughter in-law and mother to their grandbabies.

Richard and Lisa arrived at the restaurant before either Lauren or Bo. They're led to a secluded table in the back as they waited for their daughter and her fiancée. Lauren arrived ten minutes later, apologizing for her tardiness which was due to her having overslept after taking a nap this afternoon. Richard, Lisa and Lauren chatted for a while before they were interrupted by the waiter who'd come to take their drinks order. They both ordered red wine whilst Lauren requested spring water. She grew concerned when Bo was still a no show after thirty minutes. Her mobile rang and as she answered, Bo's voice seemed to ease her nerves as she listened to her fiancée explain that an emergency had come up at the hospital and she'd be there as soon as she could be before telling Lauren "I love you" and hanging up.

Lauren explained the situation her parents and added that Bo would be with them as soon as the issue at the hospital had been resolved. Dinner was then served to the three patrons as they continued to discuss arbitrary things in order to fill the awkward silence which had grown between them. Lauren brought up the topic of the wedding as soon as she could. This way at least she'd find a way to ease her parents fears about the upcoming nuptials. Richard and Lisa weren't too happy about the wedding or the fact that Lauren's marrying a woman but she's their daughter and if they hoped to continue to be part of her life they'd have to accept her choices. Bo showed up at the restaurant an hour later. Heading over to the table she greeted Lauren with a chaste kiss before introducing herself to her future parents' in-law.

"Hi, I'm Bo. You must be Mr. and Mrs. Lewis, Lauren's parents."

Richard was impressed immediately with Bo's candour and replied, "Please call me, Richard."

Whilst Lisa noticed the change in her husband she too was quickly taken with the polite young woman and also said, "I'm Lisa."

Bo sat down next to Lauren as she was sized up by both Richard and Lisa. Lauren took her hand under the table as she reassured her fiancée that they're in this together.

"So Bo, tell me what exactly do you do and why you want to be marrying our daughter?"

Lauren was shocked at the question her father had just posed to her fiancée but was reassured when Bo squeezed her hand under the table before responding.

"Sir, Lauren is an amazing woman and I am in love with her. I want to make her happy and I will do everything in my power to ensure that she wants for nothing. I'd rather die than see her unhappy."

Richard and Lisa both listen as she continues, "As for why I want to marry Lauren, that's a question I'll never find an answer for, even in a thousand years. Lauren and the twins will want for nothing that I will ensure as long as I live. I have enough money to last me two lifetimes so providing for them won't be an issue."

Lisa was still trying to find reasons why she shouldn't like this woman but it's proving difficult as Bo continued to impress them more and more. Just because she's a woman didn't mean that she couldn't offer Lauren the same things in marriage a man could.

"Bo, is there anything that you'd like to ask my husband?" Lisa asked as Lauren nearly spat her water out at the gall of her mother.

Bo smiled pleasantly at her, taking a sip of her beer she said, "Of course, Mrs. Lewis. I want to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage?"

Richard and Lisa were both taken aback with the bold statement Bo had just made. Lauren's impressed with the way Bo was handling her parents and couldn't be happier as she heard her continue, "Mr. and Mrs. Lewis, I want to ask you if I can have your blessing and permission to marry Lauren."

Richard responded, "Bo, I like and respect you for having the balls to ask us outright. My wife and I'd be happy for you to marry Lauren. Welcome to the family?"

Tears fell down Lauren's face as she hugged her parents grateful that their dinner had gone so well with Bo. She's even more surprised when Bo and Richard had both gone to the bar leaving her behind with her mother.

"Lauren, I like Bo very much. I know when you first told us about her we did not handle the situation very well but now that we've met her I can see the appeal. She's everything you described. I can see she loves you very much and you'll both make great parents."

Lauren stood up and walked over to her mother, they hugged before crying in each other's arms. Bo and Richard came back after half an hour to find them chatting away about the wedding preparations. Wedding preparations began to take place whilst Bo and Lauren packed up their belongings in order for their move to the Manor Estate house. Excited that her parents were there to help, Lauren's feeling giddy because everything seemed to be falling into place for 's happy and had never felt this contented or satisfied in such a long time. Bo placed the last box into the moving truck before coming back into the empty apartment; Lauren took one final look around and exited with her fiancée. They made their way to the waiting car and as they drove away Lauren looked back one more time before laying her head on Bo's shoulder. They were met at their new home by Rachel, Tamsin, Rainer, Hale, Richard and Lisa who had all come to help unpack boxes as well as arrange the nursery. Lauren was beginning to show more and more each day, her belly prevented her from doing a lot of things so all she'd do was standby and watch as her fiancée set about unpacking their belongings. Bo's ecstatic about the wedding and the birth of their twins, the excitement building as each week went by in a haze of planning, preparation and organization. Lisa involved herself in every aspect of the wedding planning wanting to take over as much as she could but was rebuffed by Lauren and Bo when her ideas overwhelmed their perfect day. Richard took a back seat preferring to watch rather than instigate any disagreements on decisions which Lauren and Bo had made for their upcoming nuptials.


End file.
